Father wound therapy Copenhagen
Understand what your father left in you, and choose what you keep
I help you stop living for, or against, the father you had
- Last updated October 19, 2026
What I want you to know about the father wound
In this short video, I explain how a missing or difficult father keeps shaping a grown man, and what changes when you look at it directly.
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At a glance
Father wound therapy Copenhagen helps you understand how your relationship with your father, whether he was absent, harsh, distant or simply unreachable, still shapes the man you are. Sessions are 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy, just you and me, in English or Danish, at my practice or online.
I help you see where you are still seeking his approval, fighting him or repeating him, and find your own footing. This work is a focused branch of masculinity and identity therapy, within my psychotherapy for men.
To start, book a session, take a free discovery call, read the client policy or get in touch.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Father wound therapy Copenhagen is for men who sense that their father, present or absent, still has a hold on them. Perhaps he was rarely there, hard to please, frightening or just silent. You want to understand what that did to you and stop it running your life and your relationships.
- You still hear your father’s voice when you make a mistake, even though he lives far away or has died.
- You work harder than anyone at the office, hoping that someone senior will finally say you did well.
- You swore you would never be like your father, and lately you hear his tone in your own voice.
- You feel a flash of anger, or nothing at all, when your friends talk warmly about their dads.
- Your father left when you were young, and part of you still wonders whether it had to do with you.
- You find it hard to trust older men, mentors or managers, and keep them at a careful distance.
- You have become a father yourself, and holding your child stirred up a grief you did not expect.
- You visit your ageing father, make polite conversation about the weather and leave feeling like a boy again.
This is probably not for you if…
Some situations around fathers and families need a more specific kind of help. If one of these describes you better, the linked page will suit you better.
- You want to look at what has passed down through several generations of your family, not mainly at your father. → generational trauma therapy
- What you want to work on is being a good father to your own children now. → therapy for fathers
- Your father has recently died, and grief is what you most need room for. → grief therapy
- You want to talk more generally about stress, anger or low mood as a man. → psychotherapy for men
- Your father hit you, or home was frightening, and those memories still flood you. → childhood trauma therapy
- A constant sense of not being good enough is the main thing, whatever its source. → shame in men
- The question is broader than your father: what kind of man you are, or want to be. → masculinity and identity therapy
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“In my clinical experience, the men most shaped by their fathers are often the ones who insist he does not matter. They have moved country, chosen another career and built a very different family, and still they are organising their lives around him. One voice inside asks ‘Was I ever worth staying home for?’ Another says ‘I stopped needing anything from him years ago, and I do not need it from anyone now.’ My strong view is that you cannot outrun a father wound by becoming his opposite. You heal it by grieving what you did not get, and then deciding, as a grown man, what to do with what you did get.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
Connect with me:
If you want me to call you ASAP, or if you want to book me, use the buttons below.
You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
You can also send me an email
A typical situation
Oliver is 44, British, and works in procurement at a hospital in Hvidovre. His father was a headmaster in Leeds who praised other people’s children and corrected his own. They speak twice a year. Last month Oliver’s 9-year-old son missed a penalty at football, and Oliver heard himself say exactly what his father used to say. His son’s face crumpled. Oliver drove home in silence, furious with himself, and lay awake half the night.
I would start with that sentence on the touchline, word for word, and whose voice it really was. In our first session, Oliver would probably notice how much of his father he carries in his tone and his standards, and how much grief sits under the anger. That is where the work begins.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need father wound therapy with me
You have tried to put your father behind you, and he keeps turning up in how you live and love.
There is no right age or right reason to look at your relationship with your father. If you notice that he still shapes your moods, your work or your relationships more than you want, that is enough. You do not need a dramatic story or a diagnosis first. Over 22 years of practice, I have heard many men begin with “it was not that bad”, and I know when an old hurt has hardened into a pattern.
I will help you see what you took from him, what you are still waiting for and what keeps the pattern going. Read the 6 questions below and notice which ones catch you.
Do you still work hard for approval that never quite arrives?
If so, take it seriously. Many men with a father wound are tireless: first in, last out, always proving something. Praise from a boss lifts you for an afternoon, and criticism ruins your week. You may drink to wind down, or train until your body hurts, and still feel you have not done enough.
I would look at whose approval you are really chasing and what happens in you when it does not come. That shows us whether this is ambition or an old hunger. If you recognise yourself, book a session with me and we will start there.
Do you long for your father’s respect and want nothing to do with him?
Both can be true, because they protect different things. The boy in you still wants him to turn round and say “I am proud of you”. The man in you has learned to expect nothing. So you call, hope, get hurt and swear you will not call again.
I do not ask you to choose between longing and distance. I help you see what each one is guarding. The aim is neither reconciliation at any cost nor a clean break. It is to decide, from a steadier place, what kind of contact is right for you.
Do you brace for criticism from every older man you meet?
Many men do. A manager’s short email or a father-in-law’s silence at dinner can send you straight back to being 12. You replay it, look for what you did wrong and feel a mix of fear and fury far too big for the moment.
Wanting the respect of older men is natural, and I will not shame it. I help you notice when the old alarm goes off, separate the man in front of you from the father behind him, and say what you need directly instead of over-performing or going cold.
Do you let older men close as mentors, then pull away?
This is a common shape of the father wound. You find an older colleague or a coach who believes in you, and for a while you stand taller. Then you start to feel watched or in debt, and you drift off or pick a fight. A father figure feels like water in the desert and like a trap.
I help you see the moment trust turns into suspicion, often a fear of being let down again. I respect why you protect yourself. I will also help you stay in good relationships with men long enough for them to do you some good.
Do you shut down when your child or partner needs you emotionally?
Many sons of distant fathers do. When your partner cries or your child clings, you feel a rush of pressure, go practical or find a reason to leave the room. You were never shown how to stay, so staying feels like drowning.
My view is that this is not coldness. It is a gap in what you were taught, and gaps can be filled. I help you stay a few minutes longer than feels comfortable and say “I want to be here, I just need a moment”. My article on hyper-independence looks at where handling everything alone often starts.
Do you know who you are apart from being his son, or his opposite?
When a father looms large, a man can spend decades defined by him, following in his footsteps or doing everything in reverse. Either way, the choice is not fully yours. You may feel successful and strangely unanchored.
I help you sort what you took from him, what you rejected and what is genuinely your own. I will challenge you when you are still arguing with him in your head, and I will not tell you what kind of man to be. The aim is a life that fits you, not a reply to him.
If you see your father in these questions, request a free call to talk it over, or book a session and we will begin.
You can also send me an email
Contact me
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What father wound therapy with me will help you do
Understanding your father helps, but the real work is changing how his legacy plays out in your days, your temper and your love.
I will help you see clearly what happened between you and your father, notice where it still runs your reactions and make changes your partner, children and colleagues will feel. A man who can explain his father in detail and still flinches at every criticism has more work to do.
I take an active part in that work. Since 2010 I have been a student of men’s work, and Eli Buren, a dear friend and mentor, has been a central influence. Men’s work adds to and deepens my psychotherapy training rather than replacing it. Sam Keen’s “Fire in the Belly” helps me show men how many fathers lost themselves in work and competition, and passed that loss on. Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette describe the King who blesses, and what happens to a son when that blessing never comes. These 6 questions show what we work towards.
How will I help you see what your father really left you?
I help you separate the story you tell about your father from what actually lives in you today. Often the core is not one event but a feeling: never quite seen, never quite enough, always on guard. Around it grow the overwork, the temper or the distance.
I tell you what I see and which explanations keep you stuck, such as “he did what he could, so I should be over it”. We also work with dreams, the body and the inner voices you carry, because a father wound lives below words. When you want to begin, book a session with me and bring the story as you know it.
How can you catch your father’s reaction coming out of you?
You can learn to notice it before it lands. There is usually a sequence: a tight jaw, a sharp phrase forming, an urge to lecture or walk away. My article on repetition compulsion explains why we so often repeat what once hurt us.
In sessions, we go through recent moments slowly, so you see what sets the reaction off and what it protects. Seeing is only the start. We practise the response you want until you can use it at bedtime, in the car or at the kitchen table.
How can you stay steady when old anger or grief rises?
Steadiness does not mean pretending you are over it. It means staying present enough to feel the anger or the sadness and still choose what you do. Many men with a father wound have only rage or numbness, and both keep them stuck.
I help you notice the feeling earlier in your body and recognise how old it is. I will also ask you to practise between sessions, because what changes on an ordinary Wednesday matters more than what happens in my room.
How can you speak to your father, or about him, without exploding or going silent?
Clear speech starts with knowing what you feel and what you want from him now, if anything. Years of swallowed anger or unspoken hope make that hard, so conversations with him turn into either politeness or a fight.
I help you find honest words in the right proportion. I challenge you when you stay silent to keep the peace, and when you still expect him to become the father you needed. Sometimes we rehearse a real conversation. Sometimes we write a letter you never send.
How can you decide what relationship you want with him now?
Clearer choices come when you separate guilt, duty, family pressure and old hope from what you actually want. Whether to visit more, see him less or sit by his hospital bed, these are hard decisions, and many men make them on autopilot.
I help you think through the options and what each would cost you. I will give you my view, and I will say so when I think you are avoiding the question. The decision, and the relationship, stay yours.
What does life look like when your father no longer decides how you live?
Lasting change shows up outside my room. You take criticism without collapsing, enjoy praise without needing it and stay with your children when they are upset. You may find older men you trust, or let work take a smaller place in your life, as Sam Keen invites men to do.
I help you keep what was good from your father, and there often is something, and put down what was never yours to carry. The aim is not to erase him. It is to become your own man, with your own way of blessing the people who depend on you.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin father wound therapy with me
You do not need to have your father’s story worked out. We begin with how he shows up in your life now.
When you begin, I listen, help you put the central hurt into words and give the work a clear direction. You do not need to remember everything, defend him or condemn him.
This is focused individual psychotherapy, centred on you, your father and the relationships you have now. If your father wound is mainly playing out with your partner, and your partner is willing, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you expect the work to take time, therapy discounts and bundles give you real savings and a plan you can rely on.
What happens in our first session about your father?
I ask what brought you now, how your father shows up in your life today, what you have already tried and what you want to be different. I also ask a little about his own father, because the wound is often older than either of you.
By the end, I give you my first reading and a suggested direction, and you decide whether my approach suits you. If you would like to talk first, book a free 30-minute discovery call.
When is individual psychotherapy right for a father wound?
Almost always, at least to begin with. A father wound lives in your history, your inner voices and your reactions, and you can explore all of that without anyone else in the room. Many men find it easier to speak openly with nobody from the family listening.
On your own with me, you get continuity and steady challenge from week to week. Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes this structured individual work in more detail.
When is couples therapy the better choice?
Couples therapy is the better choice when your relationship itself needs sustained attention. If your father’s pattern has become a loop at home, with your partner reaching and you retreating, or the same row about criticism keeps coming back, working on it together helps you both.
With both of you present, I help you see the cycle, own your part and build a safer way of being together. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing. Some men do their father work first and bring their partner in later.
How often should we meet?
The pace depends on how raw this feels, what else is going on and how much continuity you need. Father work often stirs up strong feelings, so a steady rhythm matters more than speed.
I usually recommend weekly or fortnightly sessions at first. I will tell you if the gaps are too long, if a closer period would help or if we can slow down. Back-to-back sessions over a few days are possible when a regular slot is hard to keep.
When does a bundle make sense?
A bundle makes sense when you know this will take several sessions and do not want to decide after every hour whether to go on. With father work, the wish to stop often shows up just as something important is surfacing.
You get significant savings, and the safety of a plan that is already in place. I will tell you whether one fits your situation. See therapy discounts and bundles and the bundle cards further down.
How will we know the work is done?
It is done when your father has a smaller place in your reactions, you can think about him without being flooded, and you can keep going without the same support. You still have a history. It just no longer drives.
We look at progress openly, and I have no interest in therapy without end. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or end. If his illness or death, or your own fatherhood, stirs things up later, coming back is part of life, not a sign that the work failed.
How it works with me
- Begin with a free 30-minute call or book a first session directly. A few words about what brings you now are plenty.
- Each appointment lasts one hour, with 50 minutes of therapy, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish. Times run from 08:00 to 21:00 Copenhagen time every day of the week, subject to availability.
- We usually meet weekly or every second week at the start, because father work needs a steady rhythm. Between sessions, you notice where he turns up in your days.
- Every few sessions, we review what has changed. Together we decide whether to continue, space things out, bring in your partner or finish.
- If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure father wound therapy is where to start? Here is how it compares with the nearby options men most often consider.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Father wound therapy (this page) | Your father, present or absent, still shapes how you live and love. | Weekly or fortnightly at first |
| Masculinity and identity therapy | You want to look more broadly at what kind of man you are. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Shame in men | A deep sense of not being good enough is the main problem. | A steady course of sessions |
| Therapy for fathers | Your focus is being a father to your own children now. | 1-hour sessions at your pace |
Frequently asked questions
What is father wound therapy with you?
Father wound therapy with me is individual psychotherapy for men whose relationship with their father, through absence, harshness, distance or loss, still shapes their lives. It helps you understand what you took from him and choose what you keep. Sessions take place in English or Danish, at my practice or by video.
It is a sub-branch of my work on masculinity and identity. It is rooted in depth psychotherapy and informed by men’s work.
When should I come to you about my father?
Come when you notice him in your temper, your work, your fears about being a father or your distance from people you love. You do not need a dramatic story. Your own sense that he still has a hold on you is enough.
Over 22 years, I have learned to look for the quiet signs: the overwork, the flinch at criticism, the vow never to be like him. If those sound familiar, they are worth taking seriously.
Can therapy help if my father has already died?
Yes. Much of father work happens inside you, so it does not depend on him being alive or willing. His death can make some things easier to say and other things harder to bear. What I offer is serious, steady work, not a quick fix.
In my clinical experience, grief for the father a man never had often arrives only after the real father dies. I would make room for both: the man he was and the father you needed.
Do I have to confront my father or cut him off?
No. Many men fear therapy will push them into a showdown or a break. It will not. What you do with your father is your decision, and many men end up with a calmer, more honest relationship rather than a dramatic one.
I help you get clear on what you want, what is realistic and what you can live with. Sometimes that leads to a conversation. Sometimes it simply means reacting differently when you see him.
Why do I either chase approval or pull away completely?
Both protect you from the same old hurt. Chasing says “maybe this time I will be enough”. Pulling away says “I will never need that again”. Many men swing between the 2, with bosses, partners and their father himself.
I help you see which move you make and when, what it costs you and what lies underneath. Then we work on a steadier middle: wanting respect without begging for it, and keeping your distance without going cold.
What will we talk about in the first session?
We start with your life now and where your father shows up in it. I ask about him, about his father if you know anything, and about what you were taught a man should be. By the end, you will hear my first view of what is going on.
You do not need to prepare, though you are welcome to bring a photo or a letter. When you feel ready, book your first session, or ask for a free discovery call to start.
How long does father wound work usually take?
Plan for months rather than weeks, usually with weekly or fortnightly sessions to begin with. A wound that goes back to childhood takes time to understand and change, and rushing it rarely helps.
From 22 years of practice, my recommendation is a first stretch that we review together honestly. After that, you and I decide together whether to go on, ease off or stop.
Should I bring my father to a session?
Usually not at first. This work is about you, and most men need to get clear on their own feelings before a joint conversation makes sense. Later, a planned conversation may help, but it is never required.
Individual work with me happens in person in central Copenhagen or online, and we can talk the format through on a free call. If the work turns towards your own role as a dad, therapy for fathers may suit you.
What does father wound therapy cost?
It is individual psychotherapy, booked as 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy. You will find the current price on my prices page, and you pay by invoice and bank transfer.
Booking several sessions as a bundle cuts 10 per cent and gives the work a structured plan, see therapy discounts and bundles. Settle the invoice the same day from a Danish bank account, and a further 3 per cent comes off.
How do I book father wound therapy with you?
Book your first session now, or request a free 30-minute call if you would like to hear how I work first.
If no available time suits you, or something about your father has just happened, contact me. I usually keep room for acute situations within days.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
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Individual psychotherapy
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