Childhood trauma therapy Copenhagen

Help to stop living by the rules of the home you grew up in

I help you meet the child you were and give the adult you more choice

What I want you to know about the childhood you still carry

In this short video, I explain why the way you learned to survive as a child still makes sense, and how we can update it for the life you have now.

Video introduction by psychotherapist Mark Colclough, MA

At a glance

Childhood trauma therapy Copenhagen helps adults who grew up in a home that was frightening, unpredictable, cold or neglectful, and who still feel its effects in how they love, work and rest. You come on your own, for 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy, at a pace you can bear, in English or Danish, at my practice in central Copenhagen or online.

I help you understand the strategies you built as a child to stay safe or stay loved, and to loosen the ones that now cost you more than they protect. This is a focused branch of my trauma therapy, within my wider psychotherapy. If what you carry seems older than your own childhood, generational trauma therapy may fit better.

If reaching out feels hard, start small: ask for a free discovery call, book a session when you feel ready, read my client policy to know what to expect or write to me in your own words.

Is this the right page for you?

This is for you if…

Childhood trauma therapy Copenhagen is for adults whose early years left marks they still live with. Perhaps a parent drank, raged or disappeared into illness, or perhaps nobody hit anyone but nobody really saw you either. You want to understand why you are the way you are, and to stop repeating what you swore you never would.

  • You still feel your stomach drop when someone raises their voice, as if you are seven years old again in the kitchen.
  • You became the responsible one very early, cooking, calming a parent or looking after siblings while other children played.
  • You find it hard to remember large parts of your childhood, and what you do remember feels oddly flat or distant.
  • You feel guilty even thinking the word trauma, because other people had it worse and your parents tried so hard.
  • You choose partners or friends who feel strangely familiar, and the familiar part is often the part that hurts.
  • You visit your parents and come home exhausted, irritable or tearful, without being able to say exactly what happened.
  • You are proud of how independent you are, yet asking anyone for help makes you feel exposed and almost sick.
  • You have become a parent yourself and hear your mother’s or father’s words coming out of your mouth.

This is probably not for you if…

Childhood wounds overlap with other kinds of pain, and some situations need a different focus. Read the list below, and if one line sounds closer to your life than childhood does, the page it links to was written for that.

  • What still affects you happened in adult life, such as an accident, an assault or a frightening event. → trauma therapy
  • The pain seems to go back further than your parents, into what your grandparents lived through. → generational trauma therapy
  • You want help with the relationship you are in now, and your partner is willing to come with you. → couples therapy
  • Something has just happened this week and you need help to get through the next few days. → acute psychotherapy
  • Your main struggle is how you attach to partners, and your childhood feels like only part of it. → attachment therapy
  • You want to explore your life broadly, and your childhood is only one theme among several. → psychotherapy
  • You are recovering from an adult relationship that left you confused, controlled and doubting yourself. → therapy after narcissistic abuse
  • You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.

Client reviews

The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.

Mark’s view

“Over more than 15,000 clinical hours, I have heard one sentence more than almost any other from adults who grew up in hard homes: ‘But my parents meant well.’ Often that is true, and it is still not the point. Defending your parents protects them in your mind, and it also keeps you from feeling what you went through. Underneath, I hear the child asking ‘If I am good enough, will you finally notice me?’, and the one who learned ‘Nobody is coming, so I will need nothing.’ Some carry both: ‘Hold me, but I will not let you.’ You can love your parents and still take your own childhood seriously.”

Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist

Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist

I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.

Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.

For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.

Psychotherapist Mark Colclough, MA

The importance of supervision

Good therapy begins with good supervision

I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.

My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.

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If you want me to call you ASAP, or if you want to book me, use the buttons below.

You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.

A typical situation

Freja is 36, a nurse at Rigshospitalet, and the person everyone at work relies on. Growing up in Aarhus, she learned to read her father’s mood from the sound of his car in the drive. On bad nights she took her little brother to her room and kept him quiet. Now she lies awake if her boyfriend goes silent after an argument, and she cannot stop cleaning when she is upset. She says her childhood was fine, really. She just does not understand why she is so tired.

I would start with the tiredness, not the father. In our first session, Freja would probably notice how quickly she moves to look after me as well, by being an easy, undemanding client. That is the girl with the brother in her room, still on duty, and she is where the work begins.

I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.

This is when you need childhood trauma therapy with me

You have built a capable adult life on top of your childhood, and the foundation still shakes when you least expect it.

There is no single right time or right reason to begin childhood trauma therapy. If you sense that something in your early years still shapes how you feel, react or love, that is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, clear memories or a dramatic story before you come to see me. In 22 years of practice, I have learned to recognise the quiet signs of a childhood that asked too much of a child, and I know when those signs need proper attention.

In sessions, I usually begin with how you live now and work back from there to what you learned then. I will help you see what you adapted to, what that adaptation still costs you and what is ready to change. The 6 questions below describe how an early home often shows up in adult life, and they may help you decide whether to book.

Are you still the one who holds everything together?

If you are, take it seriously. Many people who grew up with a parent who was ill, drunk, absent or overwhelmed became the grown-up of the family long before they were ready. As an adult you are reliable, organised and good in a crisis. You are also tired in a way that sleep does not fix, uneasy when you are not needed and quietly resentful that nobody looks after you.

I would look at when you first took on this role, who it was for and what would have happened if you had let it go. That shows us whether you are in a demanding season of life or living out a job you were given at eight years old. If you recognise yourself, book a session with me and we can begin to look at it.

Do you long to be close to your family, and dread every visit?

Both feelings belong, because they protect different needs. One part of you still hopes for the warmth you did not get, and keeps going back for it at birthdays and holidays. Another part braces for the comment, the silence or the old atmosphere, and wants to stay away. You may cancel visits and feel guilty, or go and come home feeling like a child again. That push and pull is not disloyalty and it is not weakness.

I do not ask you to choose between the part that loves your family and the part that is angry or afraid. Both are telling the truth about your history. I help you understand what each one needs, so you can decide how close to be, how often and on what terms, rather than being thrown between hope and dread every time the phone rings.

Do you watch people’s moods so closely that you cannot relax?

Many people who grew up in an unpredictable home do. As a child, knowing whether a parent was about to explode or withdraw kept you safe. As an adult, you still read every face and every tone. A short message from a friend or a partner’s quiet evening can set off hours of worry about what you did wrong, and you may keep asking until someone tells you it is fine.

That watchfulness was intelligent. It was the wisest thing a child could do. I will not shame it, and I will not ask you to stop caring about other people. I help you notice when you are scanning for danger that is no longer there, and to check what you feel before you check what everyone else feels. You also practise asking for reassurance directly, once, instead of searching for it all evening.

Do you want love desperately, then panic when it gets close?

This is common when the people who cared for you were also the people who scared or hurt you. Closeness and danger got tangled together early. So you may fall hard for someone and then find fault, go cold or pick a fight when they come nearer. You may want a friend’s comfort and then feel trapped once it arrives. Afterwards you are confused by your own behaviour, and often ashamed.

I help you slow this down so we can find the exact moment when wanting turns into running. Usually there is a trigger: being looked at kindly, being depended on, being touched when you did not expect it. I have real compassion for these reactions, because they once made sense. I will also help you take responsibility for the ones that hurt people you love, and practise staying a little longer than feels safe.

Do you go numb or handle everything alone when feelings run high?

If nobody comforted you as a child, you may have learned that the safest thing was not to need anything. As an adult, you stay calm when others fall apart, you do not cry in front of people, and you would rather fix a problem than talk about how it feels. When someone wants emotional closeness, you may become practical, change the subject or feel a strong urge to leave the room. My article on hyper-independence describes this pattern in more detail.

My view is that this self-reliance kept you going, and I respect it. I will not try to break it down. I help you understand what it protects you from, often an old fear that needing someone means being let down or overwhelmed again. Then we find small ways for you to let someone in, and to say “I need time” instead of quietly closing the door.

Do you know who you are, apart from the role you played at home?

A child who must keep a parent happy, stay invisible or be the good one learns to shape themselves around what is needed. Years later you may be excellent at reading what others want and much less sure what you want. Some people feel like an impostor in their own life. Others feel a deep, unexplained shame, as if something about them is fundamentally wrong. It is not. It is the shape of what you had to do.

I help you look at which parts of you are survival and which are genuinely yours. That often means grieving the childhood you did not have, as well as understanding the one you did. I will challenge you when you shrink yourself out of habit, but I will not tell you who to be. The aim is a clearer sense of who you are now, what matters to you and what kind of relationships fit the adult you have become.

If you recognise yourself in these questions, request a free call to see how it feels to talk with me, or book a session if you are ready to begin.

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What childhood trauma therapy with me will help you do

Understanding your childhood matters, but the work also has to change how you rest, trust, argue and look after yourself today.

Childhood trauma therapy with me will help you understand what happened to you as a child, recognise the patterns you built to survive it and change the ones that now get in the way of your life. Many people have already spent years thinking about their childhood. They can describe it clearly and still react exactly as they did when they were small. Insight on its own does not change what your body learned before you had words.

In my more than 22 years of experience, this work moves when I take an active part. I will not sit quietly while you tell your history. I draw on attachment and object relations thinking, the study of how early relationships shape the inner world, and on work with the body and with different parts of you. In practice that means I tell you what I see, help you feel what you had to put away and challenge the old rules gently but clearly. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.

How will I help you see what your childhood is still doing in you?

I help you separate the original injury from everything that has grown around it. The people pleasing, the overworking, the trouble sleeping and the sudden rages are real, but they are often the adult forms of a child’s solution. Underneath, you will usually find feelings that were not allowed at home, beliefs such as “my needs are too much” or “love has to be earned”, and loyalties to parents that you may never have questioned.

I bring structure to this. I tell you what I think is going on, what deserves attention first and which explanations keep you stuck, such as “it was not that bad” or “I am just difficult”. If you notice yourself repeating the same hurt in new relationships, my article on repetition compulsion explains why that happens. If this sounds like your history, book a session with me and we will look at it together.

How can you catch the child’s reaction before it takes over?

You can learn to recognise the moment you stop being an adult and start being a child again. It usually has early signs: a sudden feeling of being small, a hot face, a voice that goes quiet or sharp, an urge to apologise, hide or fight. Once you know your own signals, you can notice them a little earlier, and that gap is where a new choice becomes possible.

In sessions, I help you slow those moments right down and trace them back: what set it off, how old you feel and what that younger part of you is trying to prevent. Recognising it is not enough. Together we practise responding as the adult you are, in the room and in your week, until you can do it at a family dinner or in the middle of a tense moment with your partner.

How can you calm the old fear when it floods you?

Calming yourself does not mean pushing old feelings away or pretending they are silly. It means staying present enough to know that you are an adult now, with choices a child did not have. When the old fear rises, it can feel exactly like then. Regulation is what lets you feel it fully while remembering that you are not back there.

I help you notice activation earlier and understand what your body is responding to, often a sound, a look or a tone that it learned to fear long ago. We find ways of settling that suit you, such as speaking kindly to the younger part of you, steadying your breath or simply pausing before you reply. I will be clear that this needs practice between sessions, especially in the weeks around family visits.

How can you say no to family without collapsing or exploding?

Clear communication starts with knowing what you feel, what you need and what is not yours to carry. Growing up in a hard home blurs all three. You may say yes to everything and then disappear, or keep quiet for months and then say something you regret. Your family may still treat you as the person you were at twelve, and you may still respond as that person.

I help you find language that is honest, specific and proportionate, such as “I can come for lunch, but I will leave at three” or “I am not going to discuss that”. I will challenge you when you silence yourself to keep the peace, and I will also challenge you when you expect your parents finally to understand without you ever saying it clearly.

How can you make decisions that are yours, not your parents’?

Clearer decisions become possible when you separate fear, guilt, family loyalty and old expectations from what you actually want. Many adults from difficult homes either follow the path their family expected or fight it so hard that the fight decides for them. Both keep your parents at the centre of your life, long after you have left home.

I help you look at your options and what each one would ask of you, including what it might cost in your relationship with your family. I will give you my professional view, and I will name it when I think guilt or rebellion is making the choice. The decision stays with you. Often the most important outcome is not one big decision, but a feeling that your choices are finally your own.

What does an adult life built on your own terms look like?

Lasting change has to reach beyond the therapy room. Feeling understood in sessions is valuable, but the real test is how you rest at weekends, whom you let close, how you parent, and what happens when your mother calls on a Sunday. You may need different boundaries with family, new routines that let you be cared for, and relationships in which you are not always the strong one.

Together we work out which of the old survival rules you can now set down and which parts of you are worth keeping. Your sensitivity, your loyalty and your competence are often real gifts that grew from hard soil, and they do not need to go. The goal is not to cut you off from your history. It is to help you live with more choice, so your life follows your values rather than the rules of the house you grew up in.

What happens when you begin childhood trauma therapy with me

You do not need clear memories or a story that sounds bad enough. I begin with how you live now and what you want to change.

When you begin, I listen carefully, help you name what feels most difficult now and give the work a clear direction. I do not expect you to arrive with a full account of your childhood, and you do not have to prove that it was hard. We start with the present, and the past comes in as it becomes relevant.

Childhood trauma therapy is a focused form of psychotherapy, structured individual work in which we look at your inner world, your history and your relationships together. If old patterns are now straining your relationship and your partner is willing, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing alongside your own work. Because childhood work rarely fits into a handful of sessions, my therapy discounts and bundles can lower the cost and give you a plan we agree on before we begin.

What happens in our first childhood trauma session?

In our first session, I ask what brought you to therapy now, what feels hardest in your life today, what you have already tried and what you want to be different. I ask a little about the family you grew up in, but only as much as you want to share. You do not need to tell me everything before useful work can begin.

By the end, I give you my first understanding of how your early years may connect to what you live with now, and I propose a direction. After that, you choose whether working with me feels safe and useful enough to continue. If you want a gentler first step, book a free 30-minute discovery call instead.

When should you choose individual therapy for childhood trauma?

Individual therapy is the right choice when the work is about your own history and the patterns it left in you: your feelings, your reactions, your sense of yourself and the way you relate to others. That covers most childhood trauma, even when it shows up most painfully with a partner or with your own children. We can explore those relationships in depth without anyone else needing to attend.

When you see me on your own, I hold the thread of your story from week to week and tell you honestly what I see. Childhood material needs a steady relationship to unfold safely, and that is what individual work offers. If you are not sure childhood is the main theme, Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my structured individual work as a whole.

When is couples therapy a better choice than childhood trauma work?

When the hardest place your childhood shows up is your relationship today, and your partner is willing, couples therapy may help more. If your old patterns and your partner’s keep colliding, so that the same fights repeat, trust has worn thin or one of you keeps withdrawing while the other chases, working together can help more than working alone. Two childhoods often meet in one argument.

With both of you present, I help you see how your 2 histories set each other off, own your share of it and find steadier ways of reaching for each other. That is more than settling one disagreement. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing, and many people do their own childhood work first, then turn to couples work with more understanding of what they bring.

How often should you come for childhood trauma therapy?

The right pace depends on how much the past is affecting you now, how much room you have in your life and how much continuity the work needs. Childhood material tends to surface slowly and in layers. Regular sessions give it a reliable place to land, so you are not left carrying stirred-up memories alone for weeks.

My recommendation is to begin weekly. I will tell you honestly if sessions are too far apart for trust to build, if a period of closer support would help, for example around a family event, or when the work is ready to become less frequent. Childhood work is rarely quick, and I would rather plan for that openly than pretend otherwise.

When does a bundle make sense for childhood trauma work?

A bundle makes sense when you already know the work will take a number of sessions and you want to commit to it rather than deciding after every appointment. Many people who grew up having to manage alone find it hard to let themselves have something steady. A planned course gives you that steadiness, and it removes the temptation to stop when the work starts to touch something tender.

A bundle also costs less per session and puts a plan in place before the hard material arrives. If you are unsure how long your childhood work may take, ask me, and I will give you my honest estimate. The bundle sizes are on therapy discounts and bundles, and you will also find them in the cards a little further down.

How will we know when childhood trauma therapy has done its job?

Therapy has done its job when you have more ownership, clarity and choice, and when the old patterns have changed enough that you can live without the same support. Your childhood will still be your childhood. But it no longer decides how you react to a raised voice, whom you choose to love or how you treat yourself when you are tired.

Many people from hard homes fear being dropped or being held on to, so I talk openly with you about progress and I will not keep you in therapy longer than helps. When you can carry your history without it running your days, we can space the sessions out, pause or end. If you come back later, perhaps when you become a parent or when a parent becomes ill, that does not mean the earlier work failed. It means life has opened a new layer.

How it works with me

  1. If you would like to meet me by phone or screen first, choose a free 30-minute call. Otherwise, book your first session. You only need to tell me briefly that you think your childhood is still affecting you now.
  2. We meet for one hour, with 50 minutes of therapy, in a quiet room at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish, and nothing has to be said before you are ready to say it. I see people every day of the week between 08:00 and 21:00 Copenhagen time, subject to availability.
  3. At first we usually meet weekly, so that what comes up has a steady place to go. We begin with your life today and move into your history at a pace you can manage.
  4. Every few sessions, we look honestly at what has changed in your relationships, your reactions and how you treat yourself. Together we decide whether to keep the pace, go deeper, space sessions out or finish.
  5. If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below.

Save with a prepaid session bundle

How the bundle works

Compare with nearby options

Not sure childhood trauma therapy is the right starting point? Here is how it compares with the options people with a hard childhood most often consider.

OptionChoose it whenPace
Childhood trauma therapy (this page)The home you grew up in still shapes how you react, love and rest.Weekly 1-hour sessions over months
Trauma therapyWhat still affects you happened in adult life, once or over a period.Weekly 1-hour sessions, paced carefully
Generational trauma therapyYour pain seems to go back to what your parents and grandparents lived through.Weekly or fortnightly 1-hour sessions
Therapy after narcissistic abuseAn adult relationship left you confused, controlled and doubting yourself.Weekly 1-hour sessions at first

Frequently asked questions

What is childhood trauma therapy with you?

Childhood trauma therapy with me is individual psychotherapy for adults who grew up in a home that was frightening, unpredictable, neglectful or emotionally absent, and who still feel the effects. It helps you understand the strategies you built as a child, feel what you had to put away and change the patterns that now limit your life. Sessions take place in English or Danish, in my practice in central Copenhagen or online.

I work in depth, with attachment, early relationships, the body and the different parts of you that formed in childhood. I do not offer EMDR or any named trauma protocol, and I do not rush you into memories. Childhood trauma therapy is a branch of my trauma therapy.

When should I come to you about my childhood?

Come when your past keeps showing up in your present: in the partners you choose, how you react under pressure, how you feel after family visits or how hard you are on yourself. You do not need to be sure it counts as trauma. Your sense that something from back then still has a hold on you is reason enough.

In 22 years of practice, I have learned to look less at how dramatic a childhood was and more at what a child had to do to cope with it. A child who had to be invisible, perfect or in charge often grows into an adult who is exhausted without knowing why. If that sounds familiar, it deserves proper attention.

Can therapy help if nothing terrible happened, but I still feel damaged?

Yes, often it can. Some of the deepest childhood wounds come not from what happened but from what did not: no comfort, no interest, no one who noticed you were struggling. That kind of absence is hard to name, which is why many people doubt it matters. It does. I cannot promise how much will change, and I do not offer quick fixes, but this is work I do every week.

In my clinical experience, people from quietly neglectful homes are often the most apologetic in the room, as if they are taking up a place meant for someone worse off. I would focus with you on what you needed and did not get, and on how you can begin to give some of that to yourself and accept it from others.

Will therapy make me blame or cut off my parents?

No. I will not push you towards blame or towards cutting contact. Some people end up closer to their families after this work, some set firmer limits and a few choose distance. That is your decision, made with clearer eyes.

My position is that you need room to feel what you felt as a child, including anger, without having to protect anyone in the session. That is not the same as attacking your parents. Often, once the feelings have been allowed, people can see their parents more fully, as people with their own histories, while still taking their own pain seriously.

Why do I cling to people one moment and shut them out the next?

Both are ways a child learns to survive when the people they depend on are unreliable. Holding on tight makes sense when love might vanish. Shutting down makes sense when reaching out leads to disappointment or danger. Many people who grew up this way move between the two, sometimes within one evening. It is not a flaw in your character, and you are not too much.

Together we map which way you swing as a rule, what tips you from one side to the other and what that swing costs you and those who love you. Then we work on steadier options: asking for what you need without panic, taking space without disappearing, and slowly learning that closeness can be safe.

What will we actually do in the first childhood trauma session?

We start with your life now, not with a list of childhood memories. I ask what is hardest at the moment, how it shows up in your relationships, body and moods, and what you hope will change. I also ask a little about the family you grew up in, gently and only as far as feels right. When the hour ends, I share my first thoughts on how your early home may echo in your life now and suggest where we could begin.

You do not need to prepare, and you do not need to have your history in order. Many people say they do not remember much, and that is fine. We can start there. Whenever you feel ready, book a first session, or have a free discovery call first so you know who you will be talking to.

How many sessions of childhood trauma therapy will I need?

My recommendation is to expect a longer course of work, usually weekly over many months rather than a few sessions. Patterns that formed while you were growing up are woven into how you think, feel and relate, and they change most reliably with time and a steady relationship. Some themes shift quickly, others take longer.

Based on 22 years of practice, I would rather we agree on a first period, perhaps three or four months, and review it honestly than drift without direction. At each review we name what has shifted since you began, and you choose, with my input, to carry on, go deeper, come less often or end.

Should I come in person or have childhood trauma therapy online?

Come in person if you can. For many people from hard childhoods, the experience of regularly arriving at the same room and being met by the same person is part of the healing. Online sessions also work well, especially if you live outside Copenhagen or travel a lot, and they last just as long.

Either way, it is the same psychotherapy, offered in English or Danish. If you are not sure which would feel safer, we can talk about it on a free call before you commit.

What does childhood trauma therapy with you cost?

Each individual psychotherapy appointment lasts one hour, with 50 minutes of therapy. My prices page always shows the current price. Payment is by invoice and bank transfer.

Childhood work usually takes a longer course of sessions, so a bundle often makes sense. Booking a bundle saves you 10 per cent and fixes a rhythm you can rely on. You will find the bundle sizes on therapy discounts and bundles. If you pay the same day by transfer from a Danish bank account, you save an extra 3 per cent.

How do I begin childhood trauma therapy with you?

You can book your first session online, or, if you want to hear my voice and ask your questions first, ask for a free 30-minute discovery call. You only need to say briefly that you think your childhood is still affecting you.

If you cannot find a time that suits you, or a family situation has suddenly become very hard, contact me directly. I keep a few times open for situations like that, and I can usually offer you one within days. Book the session, and we will start from where you are today.

My approach and values

My mission

My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.

My vision

My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.

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