Therapy for “why am I single?” Copenhagen
Understand why love has not found a place in your life yet
I help you see the pattern in how you meet, choose and let go
- Last updated October 19, 2026
What I want you to know when you keep asking why you are single
In this short video, I explain why “why am I single?” is a fair question rather than a verdict, and how we can look at the patterns behind it together.
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At a glance
Therapy for “why am I single?” Copenhagen helps you understand why a lasting relationship has not happened for you yet, when you would like one. You see me on your own, for 1-hour appointments that give you 50 minutes of therapy, either at my practice in central Copenhagen or online, and in English or Danish as you prefer.
Being single is not a problem to fix, and I will not treat it as one. What I help you look at is the pattern you may sense underneath: who you are drawn to, how early connections tend to fade, what you protect when someone gets close and what you learned about love long before you started dating. Because so much of this comes from how you learned to attach, the work sits within my attachment therapy, which in turn is part of my psychotherapy. If you move from one relationship straight into the next, therapy for always being in a relationship fits better.
If you are curious but unsure, ask for a free discovery call. If you already know, book a session. You can also look through my client policy first or write to me with a question about dating and being single.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Therapy for “why am I single?” Copenhagen is for adults who would like a lasting relationship and keep wondering why it has not happened. You may have a full life, good friends and work you care about, and still feel puzzled by how your romantic life keeps turning out. You want to understand your part in the pattern, without blaming yourself for it.
- You have had many first dates that went well, and almost none that turned into a third or a fourth.
- You notice that the people you feel a spark with are often unavailable, far away or already half gone.
- You lose interest quickly in someone who is kind and keen, and you cannot explain why to your friends.
- You watch friends settle into relationships and wonder what they understand about love that you have missed.
- You keep a part of yourself back on dates, polite and interesting, but never quite letting anyone in.
- You moved to Copenhagen and find that dating here follows rules you do not fully understand yet.
- You have been single for several years and are no longer sure whether you want a partner or only think you should.
- You are tired of other people’s advice and want to understand your own pattern with someone who will not judge it.
This is probably not for you if…
Being single can sit alongside other questions that need a more specific kind of help. If one of the situations below sounds more like your life than the single question does, follow the link to the page written for it.
- You are rarely single for long, and you want to understand why you go from one partner to the next. → therapy for always being in a relationship
- Relationships begin, and then you find yourself undoing them just as they start to work. → self-sabotage therapy
- Closeness feels suffocating, and you keep partners at arm’s length even when you like them. → avoidant attachment therapy
- A recent break-up is still raw, and grief matters more to you right now than patterns. → grief therapy
- You are adjusting to life in Denmark, and dating is only one part of what feels hard. → expat psychotherapy
- You want to look at your attachment patterns more broadly, across family, friends and love. → attachment therapy
- Your main pain is isolation, with few close friends or people to turn to. → loneliness therapy
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“In my experience, people who ask ‘why am I single?’ have usually been given far too many answers already, and almost none of them fit. Be less picky, be more confident, try a new app. I disagree with all of it. The question deserves a real answer, and the answer is usually in a pattern you cannot see from the inside. Beneath it, I often hear ‘If someone really saw me, would they still choose me?’ alongside ‘I like my life as it is, and I am not sure I want anyone in my space.’ Some people hold both at once: ‘I want to be found, and I keep hiding.’ When you understand that conversation inside you, the outside one with a possible partner changes too.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
Connect with me:
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You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
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A typical situation
Viktor is 41, an engineer from Prague who has lived in Copenhagen for 9 years. He cycles, cooks for friends every Friday and is godfather to 2 children. He would like a partner, and his dates often go well. Somewhere around the second month, though, he starts noticing small things he cannot live with, a laugh, a habit, a way of texting, and he ends it kindly. Afterwards he feels relieved for a week, then lonely. His sister has started asking whether he is too picky, and he has started to wonder too.
I would start by looking closely at the last 3 endings and what Viktor felt in the days just before he made each decision. In our first session, he would probably notice that his doubts begin at the same point every time, when the other person starts to need him. That moves the question from “what is wrong with them” to “what happens in me when someone gets close”.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need therapy for “why am I single?” with me
You have tried to meet people in every way you can think of, and the same question keeps coming back to you.
There is no single right time or right reason to come to therapy because you are single. If you have a sense that something keeps repeating, that your romantic life is not turning out as you hope or that you no longer know what you actually want, that is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, a broken heart or a crisis before you come to see me. In 22 years of practice, I have sat with many people asking this question, and I can usually tell when it is a matter of circumstance and when it is a pattern that deserves attention.
I will help you identify what actually happens between meeting someone and it fading, what keeps that sequence in place and what you might want to do differently. I will tell you clearly what I see, with respect for the life you have built. Read the 6 questions below and notice which of them you already ask yourself after a date goes quiet.
Do your dates go well, and then quietly go nowhere?
If they do, it is worth looking at, because that is a pattern rather than bad luck. You meet someone, the conversation flows, there is a second date, and then the messages slow down. Sometimes they stop replying, sometimes you do. You go over it in your head on the metro, tell a friend it was fine and feel a little more tired of the whole thing each time. After a while, preparing for a date takes more energy than it gives back.
I would look at where the fading usually begins, who pulls back first and what you feel in the moments before it happens. That tells us whether you have simply had a run of poor matches, or whether something repeats that you can understand and change. If you recognise yourself here, book a session with me and we can look at your last few connections together.
Do you want a partner and also want to keep your freedom?
Both can be true at once, because they protect different things. One part of you longs for someone to come home to, to plan holidays with and to be known by. Another part treasures your own rhythm: your mornings, your flat, your freedom to decide without asking anyone. When someone gets serious, the second part can quietly start listing reasons to stay as you are, and you may not notice it happening.
I do not treat either side as the problem. Both your wish for closeness and your love of independence are legitimate. I help you hear what each part is protecting, so you can make deliberate choices instead of letting one part veto the other without discussion. Often the question shifts from whether you want a partner to what kind of relationship would leave room for both.
Do you read every pause in a conversation as a sign of rejection?
Many people do, especially after a few disappointments. A slow reply after a good date can feel like proof that you did something wrong. You reread your last message, check when they were last online and start preparing yourself to be dropped. Sometimes you send another message to make sure, and then regret it. The waiting can take over a whole evening.
Your wish for clarity is legitimate, and I will not shame it. What I help you change is the alarm that fires before you know anything. Together we look at what the waiting stirs up, often an old fear of being forgotten or not chosen, and you practise staying steady while things unfold. If you often feel strung along by people who keep you just interested enough, my article on breadcrumbing may help you name it.
Do you move towards someone and then away, without knowing why?
Yes, that can happen, and it can confuse you as much as the other person. You are excited after a date, you text first, you plan the next meeting. Then, a few days later, you feel flat or crowded and want to cancel. When they step back, you want them again. Over time you start to wonder whether you are able to be in a relationship at all.
I help you slow this cycle down in the room, so we can see the moment the wish to be close turns into the wish to escape. There is usually a specific trigger: being expected, being seen too clearly, being needed. I have real compassion for the protection behind these reactions. I will also ask you to take responsibility for how they affect the people you date, and help you find ways to slow down rather than disappear.
Do you keep part of yourself hidden, even from people you like?
Many single people are good company and hard to reach. You talk easily about films, travel and work, and steer away from anything that would show how you really feel. When someone asks a personal question, you become funny, factual or vague. It keeps things pleasant and in your control. The cost is that nobody gets close enough to fall for the person underneath.
My view is that this guardedness is doing a job, and I will not shame you for it. I help you understand what it protects you from, so you can let someone in a little further without feeling exposed. You learn to say “I am finding this a bit much, can we slow down?” instead of going quiet. Privacy is fine. A wall nobody can find the door in is what keeps you alone. My article on fear of intimacy goes deeper into that.
Has being single started to feel like a judgement on who you are?
After years of family questions, wedding invitations and well-meant advice, being single can start to feel like a verdict. You may wonder whether you are too much or not enough, too independent, too old, too foreign, too complicated. You may also have lost touch with what you actually want, because so much of the conversation has been about what you should want. None of this means something in you is broken.
I help you separate other people’s expectations from your own wishes, and both from the patterns you learned in your family about love and belonging. I will offer you direction and honest challenge, but I will not hand you a conclusion. Some people discover that they very much want a partner. Others find that they want a different kind of life altogether. The aim is clarity about who you are and what kind of relationships fit you.
If these questions sound familiar, request a free call to talk it over, or book a session if you already know you want to look at your pattern.
You can also send me an email
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What therapy for “why am I single?” with me will help you do
Understanding your pattern matters, but you also need the work to change how you meet people, how you respond and what you choose.
This work with me will help you understand what is happening in your romantic life, recognise the patterns that keep repeating and make changes you can feel the next time you meet someone. Many people arrive with plenty of theories about why they are single. Insight is valuable, but a theory without a change in how you actually behave on a date, in a message or in a quiet evening together rarely changes much.
Over 22 years of practice I have learned that people stuck in a dating pattern need me to speak up. I will not simply listen and nod. I will tell you what I notice, including in how you relate to me, and I will challenge explanations that keep you stuck. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
How will I help you see what is really keeping love away?
I help you separate the core of the pattern from the noise around it. Apps, timing, the Copenhagen dating culture and bad luck are all real, but they rarely explain everything. Underneath you will often find something more personal: a type you are drawn to, a moment when you lose interest, a belief such as “people leave when they know me”, or loyalty to a family in which love came with conditions.
I bring structure to this. I tell you what I think is going on, what deserves attention first and which explanations are keeping you stuck, such as “there is simply nobody out there”. If you notice that you keep choosing the same kind of person, my article on why we repeat old patterns in love explains how that happens. Book a session with me, and we will begin drawing the map of your own pattern.
How can you notice the pattern while it is happening?
You can learn to recognise the early signs, and that is often where change begins. There is usually a sequence: a rush of interest, a small doubt, a sudden need for space, a message you do not answer. Or the other way round: a cool person, a spark, a growing urge to win them over. Once you can see the first link in the chain, you have a moment in which you can choose differently.
In sessions, I help you slow the sequence down and look at it closely: what sets it off, what it protects and what it costs you. Recognition alone is not enough. We practise a different response together, until you can use it on a real Saturday night when someone you like sends a message you do not know how to answer.
How can you stay steady when dating stirs you up?
Staying steady does not mean playing it cool or pretending you do not care. It means staying present enough to notice what dating stirs in you, hope, nerves, disappointment or the urge to run, and choosing how to respond. Some of those feelings deserve to be listened to. Some are old alarms reacting to something that is not actually dangerous.
I help you notice activation earlier and understand what your nervous system is responding to, often something your body remembers from long before you started dating. Then we work out how you, in particular, can calm down before a first date or after an unanswered message. I will also be clear that this takes practice between sessions, before and after dates as well as in ordinary life.
How can you say what you want without scaring someone off?
Clear communication starts with knowing what you feel, what you want and what is yours to carry. Many single people hide their wishes for fear of seeming too keen, or overshare to test whether someone can take it. Either way, the other person never quite meets the real you, and you never find out whether they could have.
I help you find words that are honest, specific and proportionate, such as “I enjoy this and I would like to see where it goes” or “I need things to go a bit slower”. I will challenge you when you silence yourself, and I will also challenge you when you expect a new partner to guess what you need or prove themselves before you show any interest.
How can you decide whether to keep seeing someone?
Clearer decisions become possible when you separate fear, habit and other people’s expectations from what you actually feel. Some people stay too long with someone who is wrong for them because ending it feels cruel. Others leave too early because the first sign of ordinary imperfection feels like a red flag. In both cases, the decision is being made by something other than you.
I help you look honestly at what you are noticing, what it might mean and what each choice would ask of you. I will give you my professional view, and I will tell you when I think fear is making the decision. I will not decide for you. Whether you continue or end it, the aim is that you choose rather than react.
What does a love life that fits you actually look like?
Lasting change has to reach beyond the therapy room. Feeling clearer in a session is a start, but the real test is the next date, the third month with someone new or a quiet Sunday spent alone. You may need different boundaries, a different pace, different places to meet people, or a different idea of what a good partner looks like.
Together we sort out which habits in dating are worth changing and which parts of you deserve to stay exactly as they are. Your independence, your standards and your sensitivity are part of who you are, and they are not the problem. The goal is not to make you into someone more “dateable”. It is to help you live with more clarity, so that your choices in love follow your values and needs rather than your fears.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin this work with me
You do not need a theory about why you are single. I begin with what has actually happened in your recent connections and what you want now.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you name the pattern you are most curious about and give the work a clear direction from the start. I do not expect you to arrive with a diagnosis, an account of every past relationship or a clear answer about what you want. We begin with what is happening now.
It is psychotherapy with a clear focus on love and dating, done one to one, where your inner world and your history with partners are looked at side by side. If you meet someone and the two of you later want help with the relationship itself, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you suspect this question will need a stretch of weeks, my therapy discounts and bundles lower the cost and fix a plan we both sign up to.
What happens in our first session about being single?
In our first session, I ask what brought you to therapy now, how your romantic life has gone in recent years, what you have already tried and what you would like to be different. We often look at 2 or 3 recent connections in some detail, because the details show the pattern. We can do good work long before I know your whole romantic history.
Towards the end of the hour, I share my first sense of what keeps happening in your love life and suggest how we might work on it. Whether you come back is then your call, based on how the hour felt. Prefer a conversation first? Book a free 30-minute discovery call.
When is individual therapy the right choice for this question?
Individual therapy is the right choice almost by definition here, because the pattern you want to understand lives in you: in your history, your attachments, the way you protect yourself and the choices you make. We can explore past and future relationships thoroughly without anyone else needing to attend.
Working with me on your own, you get a steady thread through the sessions, my honest view of your choices in love and a clear sense of where we are heading. If you are unsure whether to focus on this question or on your life more broadly, Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my structured individual work as a whole.
When would couples therapy become the better choice?
Couples therapy becomes the better choice once there is a relationship that needs sustained attention. If you meet someone and the same distance, conflict or mistrust starts to appear between you, working on it together can help more than working on it alone.
In couples work, I help both partners see the cycle between them, take responsibility for their own part and build more secure ways of being together. That is more than settling one disagreement. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing, and some people who start here alone later come back with a partner.
How often should you come when the question is why you are single?
The right pace depends on how much the question is weighing on you, how much room you have in your life and how much continuity the work needs. Patterns in love often show themselves over weeks rather than in a single session, as you meet people and notice your reactions.
My recommendation is to begin weekly or every second week, so we can follow what happens in real time. If the gaps between our sessions let each new insight fade before the next date, I will say so, and I will also say when you are ready to come less often. Sessions back-to-back over a few days are also possible if that suits your life better.
When does a bundle make sense for this work?
If you have already noticed the same ending with 3 or 4 different people, you probably know this will not be a one-off conversation, and a bundle lets you commit to that from the start. Understanding a pattern in love usually needs time to watch it unfold, and a planned course protects that time.
A bundle also takes the price question out of each week, which leaves you free to stay with the pattern rather than with the bill. If you are not sure how much work your pattern needs, ask me, and I will give you my honest estimate. For the sizes on offer, look at therapy discounts and bundles or scroll down to the cards beneath this section.
How will you know the work on being single is finished?
Therapy has done its job when you have more ownership, clarity and freedom of choice in love, whether or not you are in a relationship by then. You understand your pattern, you notice it early and it no longer decides who you choose or how things end.
Every so often I ask you directly what has shifted in how you date and choose, because I do not want you in therapy longer than is useful. Once you trust your own choices in love again, we can meet less often, take a break or finish. If you come back later, perhaps once you are in a relationship, that does not mean the earlier work failed. It means your life has moved on.
How it works with me
- If you want to talk before committing, choose a free 30-minute call. If you are ready now, go straight to booking your first session. Tell me briefly what you have noticed about your romantic life, so I can check that this is the right starting point.
- We meet for a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, with only you and me in the room, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, and in whichever of English or Danish you find easier for talking about love. You can book times between 08:00 and 21:00 Copenhagen time on any day of the week, subject to availability, so a session can fit around work and evenings out.
- At first we usually meet weekly or every second week, so we can follow what happens in your life as it happens. Between sessions, you notice your reactions and bring them back to the room.
- Every few sessions, we look honestly at what has changed in how you meet, choose and respond. Then you and I agree whether to carry on at the same rhythm, meet less often or stop.
- If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure this is the right starting point? Here is how it compares with the options people asking “why am I single?” most often consider.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Therapy for “why am I single?” (this page) | You would like a lasting relationship and want to understand why it has not happened. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Attachment therapy | You want to look at your patterns of closeness across all your relationships. | 1-hour sessions over several months |
| Therapy for always being in a relationship | You are rarely single and move quickly from one partner to the next. | A focused course of 1-hour sessions |
| Loneliness therapy | Your main pain is isolation and a lack of close people in your life. | Weekly or fortnightly 1-hour sessions |
Frequently asked questions
What is therapy for “why am I single?” with you?
It is individual psychotherapy for adults who would like a lasting relationship and want to understand why it has not happened yet. It does not treat being single as a problem. It helps you see the patterns in who you are drawn to, how connections fade and what you protect when someone gets close. You can have these sessions in English or Danish, at my practice in central Copenhagen or online.
I work integratively and in depth, with your history, your family, your attachments and the unconscious patterns that shape attraction. This work is part of my attachment therapy, because what we learned about closeness early in life so often shapes who we let in later.
When should I come to you about being single?
Come when the question keeps returning, when the same kind of ending repeats or when dating has started to cost you more than it gives. You do not need to have been single for a particular length of time. Your own sense that something keeps repeating is reason enough.
In 22 years of practice, I have learned to look at what happens just before connections fade, who you are drawn to and what you felt about love growing up. If the same scene plays out with different people, it deserves proper attention.
Can therapy really help me find a partner?
No, not directly, and I will not promise that. Therapy cannot produce a partner. What it can do is help you understand and change the patterns that may be keeping love at a distance, so that when you meet someone you are freer to choose and to stay.
In my clinical experience, people who work on this often start to notice different people, or notice the same people differently. Someone they would once have found boring turns out to be safe and kind. I would focus with you on what you are drawn to, what you pull back from and why.
Is there something wrong with me for still being single?
No. Being single is not a symptom, and I will not treat you as if it were. Many people are single for long stretches for good reasons: work, a move abroad, a long recovery from a past relationship, or simply not having met the right person.
My position is that the question is still worth asking if it troubles you. I will not look for faults in you. I look for patterns, and I help you see which ones serve you and which ones you might want to change. You will need to be willing to look honestly at your own part, without turning it into self-blame.
Why do I go cold when someone is really interested in me?
Because their interest can stir up a need to protect yourself. When someone is keen, it can feel lovely and alarming at the same time. Part of you wants to lean in. Another part feels watched, expected or responsible, and starts looking for a way out. None of this is a flaw in your character. It is a way of coping you learned, often a long time ago.
I help you recognise which way you tend to move when someone gets close, what each move is trying to achieve and what it costs you. Then we work on steadier options: letting interest in slowly, saying when you need more time and staying curious instead of withdrawing.
What do we talk about in a first session about being single?
We start with what is happening now. I ask what your romantic life has looked like in recent years, what tends to happen with the people you meet and how you feel about it. I also ask a little about your family and the relationships you grew up around, because our first ideas about love come from there. Before you leave, I tell you what I think your dating pattern may be about and where I suggest we begin.
Come as you are, with no notes or neat summary of your love life needed. Many people feel a little embarrassed talking about dating with a therapist, and that is fine. We can start there. If you want to start, book a first session, or have a free discovery call with me before you decide.
How many sessions will I need?
I usually suggest a few months of regular sessions, weekly or every second week, so we can watch how you meet and leave people. Patterns in love show themselves over time, so this gives us room to see yours in action and to try something different. If the pattern is tied up with older hurts, the work usually takes longer.
After 22 years of practice, my view is that a defined first block of sessions with an honest review at the end serves you better than coming without a plan. At that review we look at how your dating life has actually changed, and then you choose, with my input, to carry on, meet less often or end.
Should I come in person or online?
Come in person if you can. Talking about love and closeness face to face often brings the pattern into the room in a way that is useful to work with. If you travel for work or live outside the city, online sessions are a real option, with the same 50 minutes and the same depth.
In person or on screen, it is the same psychotherapy, and you can choose English or Danish either way. Still undecided? We can talk it through on a free call and settle the format there.
What does this therapy with you cost?
Each appointment is a 1-hour booking with 50 minutes of individual psychotherapy. The price per appointment is kept up to date on my prices page. Payment is by invoice and bank transfer.
Since understanding a dating pattern usually takes more than a couple of sessions, many people choose a bundle, which saves 10 per cent. You will find each bundle size on therapy discounts and bundles. Pay by same-day transfer from a Danish bank account and you save another 3 per cent on top.
How do I book a session with you?
You can book your first session online now, or ask for a free 30-minute discovery call if you want to hear my voice before you commit. Either way, you can tell me briefly what you have noticed about your romantic life.
If you cannot find a time that suits you, contact me directly and I will look for one with you. Book the session, and we will start with the question you keep asking yourself.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
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