Men after infidelity Copenhagen
Help for you as a man after an affair, whichever side you are on
I help you face what happened, carry it honestly and choose your next step
- Last updated October 23, 2026
What I want you to know as a man after an affair
In this short video, I explain what an affair does to a man, whether he had it or discovered it, and why going it alone in silence usually makes it worse.
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At a glance
Men after infidelity Copenhagen helps you as a man when an affair has shaken your life, whether you were the one who was unfaithful or the one who was betrayed. Our sessions are private and one to one, 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy, in English or Danish, at my practice in central Copenhagen or online.
I help you steady yourself, understand what the affair is really about and decide what you want, without having to perform being fine. This page sits under therapy for men in relationships, part of psychotherapy for men. If the relationship ends, men after divorce or breakup picks up from there.
To take the next step after the affair, ask me for a free discovery call, book a session, look over my client policy or write to me in confidence.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Men after infidelity Copenhagen is for men whose lives have been turned over by an affair. Perhaps you had it and are now facing the damage, or perhaps you found out about your partner’s. Either way, you need somewhere to be honest, think clearly and work out who you are now.
- You found messages on her or his phone, and since then you check everything and sleep 3 or 4 hours a night.
- You had the affair, it is over or nearly over, and you swing between relief, guilt and missing the other person.
- You go to work, smile in meetings and handle everything, while inside you feel like you have been hit by a car.
- You keep replaying images of your partner with someone else, and you are ashamed of how much they consume you.
- You cannot tell your friends what happened, either because you are protecting your partner or because you are protecting yourself.
- Your partner asks “why?” every evening, and you honestly do not have an answer that satisfies either of you.
- You feel anger you did not know you had, and it frightens you how close it sometimes comes to the surface.
- You want to know whether you can trust again, or be trusted again, and you are tired of guessing.
This is probably not for you if…
An affair spills into many corners of a life, and some of them need a different kind of help first. Where one of these lines sounds more like you, follow its link.
- The discovery happened this week, and you can barely function or think straight. → acute psychotherapy
- You both want to repair the relationship and your partner is ready to come too. → couples therapy
- The relationship is over, and your task now is to rebuild your life on your own. → men after divorce or breakup
- Your anger since the discovery has started to frighten your partner, your children or you. → anger management for men
- You want to look at your life as a man more broadly, not only at the affair. → psychotherapy for men
- There is no affair, but distance, silence or conflict at home is the real problem. → therapy for men in relationships
- The secret is a long habit of lying that reaches well beyond one relationship. → compulsive lying therapy
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“In my experience, men after an affair are rarely short of feeling. They are short of anywhere to put it. The man who was betrayed tells no one, because he feels humiliated. The man who was unfaithful tells no one, because he feels he has lost the right to be hurt. Both go quiet, and both are judged for it. Under the silence, I usually hear ‘Was I ever enough for you?’ and, just as often, ‘Leave me alone until I can make sense of this.’ My firm view is that whichever side you are on, you cannot do this work by keeping a straight face. You need one place where the whole truth can be said out loud.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
Connect with me:
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You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
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A typical situation
Javier is 44, a Spanish engineer who has lived in Copenhagen for 12 years with his Danish wife and their 2 teenage sons. Last spring he had a 4-month affair with a colleague. His wife found out from a hotel receipt. She has not asked him to leave, but she asks questions every night, and he answers badly, defensively, then hates himself for it. He has not told a single friend, and he has started running 15 kilometres before work so he does not have to think.
I would start with what Javier cannot say anywhere else: what he feels, not only what he did. In our first session, he would probably see that his defensiveness protects a deep shame, and that the shame is getting in the way of the honesty his wife needs from him.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need help with me after an affair
You have tried to hold it together, act normal and move on, and the affair still fills every room you walk into.
There is no right time and no required level of pain before you come. Whether you discovered the affair or had it, if it occupies your thoughts, your sleep or your body, that is enough. You do not need to know whether the relationship will survive. In 22 years of practice, and through a masterclass on relational betrayal and infidelity, I have learned to recognise the difference between the shock that settles and the wound that hardens.
My professional view is that men need to tell the whole story somewhere before they can act wisely. I will help you see what happened, what is keeping you stuck and what you need now. The 6 questions below are the ones I would ask any man in the months after an affair.
Are you getting through the days on autopilot since the affair?
If so, take it seriously. Men often keep working, training and parenting as if nothing has happened, while sleep, appetite and concentration quietly collapse. You drink more in the evening. Your body feels braced for another blow, or another confession.
I would look with you at what you are carrying alone and what it is costing you. That tells us whether you are in the first shock or in a pattern of shutting down that will outlast it. If the days since the affair feel like this, book a session with me.
Do you want to save the relationship and also want to run from it?
Both can be true at once. If you were betrayed, part of you wants to fight for the life you built, and another part wants to walk out with your dignity. If you had the affair, part of you wants to repair, and another part still misses the person you were with, or the man you felt like with them.
I do not treat either side as the bad one. Each is protecting something: your pride, your family, your hope, your freedom. I help you hear what each side needs, so the choice you make is a decision rather than a reaction.
Do you keep checking, asking and replaying, unable to settle?
For a betrayed man, this is extremely common. You check her or his phone, recount what was said and look for clues in a tone of voice. Men who had the affair feel a version too: watching their partner’s mood, desperate to know whether they are forgiven.
That alarm makes sense after a real breach, and I will not shame it. I help you settle the part of you that is scanning, and find a way to ask what you need to know once, clearly, instead of 50 times. My article on how to rebuild trust after cheating looks at this from both sides.
Do you move towards your partner one night and push her or him away the next?
After an affair, closeness can feel urgent and dangerous at once. You may want to hold your partner, even want sex more than before, and the next evening feel cold, furious or numb. Men who had the affair may long for forgiveness and then bristle when it comes with questions.
I help you slow these swings down and see what sets each one off, often a reminder, a date or a moment of tenderness that feels too exposed. I have compassion for these reactions, and I will also hold you responsible for the ones that hurt.
Do you shut down when your partner wants to talk about it again?
Many men do. The tears, the questions and the anger feel like a wave you cannot stand in, so you go factual, say “I have already answered that” or leave the room. For a man who was unfaithful, this looks like not caring. For a man who was betrayed, it can look like he has stopped feeling it.
Distance protects you from being flooded, and I will not shame that. I help you stay in the conversation longer and say clearly when you need a pause, so silence does not become a second betrayal. My article on affair recovery describes the stages couples move through.
Has the affair made you question what kind of man you are?
Often it does. The betrayed man asks whether he was too dull, too absent, not enough. The unfaithful man asks how he became someone who lies to the person he loves. Both can feel that the story of their own decency has cracked.
I help you look at this without either excusing yourself or condemning yourself. Robert Glover, in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, writes about the secret life many good men lead, hiding needs they never dared to voice until they come out sideways. David Deida, in “The Way of the Superior Man”, writes about living from your deepest purpose. Both help us ask what you want to stand for now.
If the affair is where you are, ask for a free call to talk it through, or book a session and tell me which side of it you are on.
You can also send me an email
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What working with me after an affair will help you do
Understanding why the affair happened matters, but you also need to change how you speak, listen and decide in the weeks that follow.
Working with me will help you understand what happened, see the patterns that led there and make changes that hold. Insight alone is not enough. Many men can explain the affair intellectually and still flinch, lie or explode the next time the subject comes up.
I take an active role. I will tell you what I see, ask what others do not dare to ask and challenge stories that protect you from the truth. I have studied men’s work since 2010, as a way of adding to and deepening my training as a psychotherapist, and it helps me speak to men about pride, shame and loyalty without softening it. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
How will I help you understand what the affair was really about?
I help you separate the affair itself from what surrounds it. The texts, the hotel, the lies are real. Underneath them sit more specific things: loneliness in the relationship, a hunger to feel alive, a long habit of avoiding conflict, or for the betrayed man, an old fear of being replaceable.
I will say what I see and question explanations that keep you stuck, such as “it just happened” or “it is all her fault”. When you want to look at it straight, book a session with me, and we start mapping it honestly.
How can you notice the spiral before it takes you over?
You can learn to catch the first signs. A street name, a song or a late message from your partner can start it: a drop in the stomach, a hot face, an urge to check or to defend. Spot that first link and you get a moment to choose.
Together we replay one of those moments slowly, to see what set it off and what it was shielding you from. Then we practise a different response, so that the next reminder at the supermarket does not cost you the whole evening.
How can you handle the anger, shame or panic when it hits?
Regulation does not mean pretending you are fine. It means staying present enough to understand what is happening and choose your response. Anger after betrayal is legitimate. Shame after being unfaithful is understandable. Neither has to drive the car.
I help you notice activation earlier and find concrete ways to slow it, in your breathing, your posture and your words. If anger ever makes someone feel unsafe, safety comes first. I will be clear that you need to practise between sessions, not only on the day we meet.
How can you talk about the affair honestly without making it worse?
Talking honestly about an affair starts with knowing which part of the story is yours to tell. The unfaithful man often hides, minimises or over-explains. The betrayed man often swallows his hurt or lets it out as contempt. Both make repair harder.
I help you find words about the affair that are truthful, specific and in proportion. If you had the affair, that means answering without defending every detail. If you were betrayed, it means saying “this is what I need to know” rather than interrogating. I challenge both silence and blame.
How can you decide whether to stay or go without being rushed?
Clearer decisions become possible when you separate humiliation, guilt, fear and other people’s opinions from what you actually feel and value. Friends, family and the internet all have a verdict.
I help you weigh staying and leaving honestly, and what each would ask of you. I will give you my view, and I will point out when you are deciding in panic or avoiding a decision altogether. The choice stays yours. My article on infidelity gives some wider background.
What does it mean to rebuild your life with integrity after an affair?
Lasting change reaches beyond the therapy room. It may mean new agreements about phones and openness, a friend you can finally confide in, an honest look at your drinking or working hours, or the courage to say what you need before it goes underground again.
I help you work out what has to change after the affair and what is worth keeping. You do not need to become a different man. It is to live so that what you say, what you do and what you want match up again, whether or not the relationship continues.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin working with me after an affair
You do not need a clear story or a decision about the future. I start with what is happening to you now.
At the start, I listen for what hurts most after the affair and set a direction for our work. You do not need to arrive with the whole timeline in order or know what you want to happen.
This is focused psychotherapy, structured individual work on you. It differs from infidelity therapy alone, which helps anyone working through an affair without their partner, because here we look at how the affair lands on you as a man, including your pride, your shame and your silence. When both of you want to repair, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you expect a longer stretch, therapy discounts and bundles give you real savings and an agreed plan.
What happens in our first session after an affair?
I ask what happened, how you found out or how it came out, what the days have been like since and what you most need help with. You decide how much detail to give, and you do not need to defend yourself.
At the end of that hour, I tell you how I see the affair and its aftermath for you, and what I would suggest. Then it is your call whether this way of working helps. A free 30-minute discovery call is there if you want to hear my voice before you commit.
When is individual therapy the right choice after an affair?
Individual work fits when the main questions are yours: why you did it, how you survive it, whether you want to stay, how you deal with shame or rage. Many men need this before they can sit in a room with their partner and be useful there.
I hold the thread between sessions and challenge you honestly when the story starts to bend. Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my individual work more broadly, if the affair has opened older questions.
When is it time to bring your partner into couples therapy?
Choose couples therapy when you both want to know whether the relationship can be rebuilt and both are willing to come. Trust after an affair is repaired between 2 people, not inside one.
As an EFT couples therapist, I help the hurt partner be heard and the other partner stay present and responsible, and then help you both see the cycle that left the relationship exposed. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing.
How often should you come after an affair?
In the first weeks after a discovery or confession, closer sessions help, because a lot happens between meetings. Later, a steadier rhythm keeps the work going without taking over your life.
I usually recommend weekly sessions at the start, then every second week. I will tell you if the gaps are too long for anything to build, or when we can slow down. Sessions back-to-back over a few days are possible if you need a focused block.
When does a bundle make sense after an affair?
A bundle makes sense when you know this will take more than a couple of conversations. After an affair, many men want to stop as soon as the first panic eases. A planned course keeps you in the work while the real questions are still open.
After an affair, a bundle offers significant savings and the safety of a structured plan at a time when little else feels planned. I will help you judge whether one fits. The details are on therapy discounts and bundles and in the cards below.
How will we know the work after the affair is complete?
It has done its job when the affair no longer runs your days, when you can talk about it without lying, collapsing or attacking, and when your choices about the relationship feel like your own.
We look at progress together, out loud, and I will not keep you coming longer than the work needs. Sessions can thin out, pause or end. Returning later, perhaps around an anniversary of the discovery, is not a sign that anything failed.
How it works with me
- Make contact through a free 30-minute call, or book your first session straight away. Let me know briefly whether you had the affair or discovered it, so I can check this is the right place to begin.
- The first meeting is a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, one to one, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish. Times fall between 08:00 and 21:00 Copenhagen time, 7 days a week, subject to availability.
- In the first weeks we usually meet weekly, because the days after an affair move fast. Later we space the sessions out.
- Every few sessions, we look at what has changed and decide together whether to continue, bring your partner into couples therapy, pause or finish.
- If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below, and the details are on therapy discounts and bundles.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure where to start after an affair? Here is how this compares with the options men most often consider.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Men after infidelity (this page) | You are a man after an affair, on either side, and need help for yourself. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Infidelity therapy alone | You want to work through an affair alone, with less focus on being a man. | 1-hour sessions on your own |
| Couples therapy | You both want to try to rebuild trust together. | Longer joint sessions |
| Therapy for men in relationships | There was no affair, but you feel lost or silent in your relationship. | Weekly or every second week |
Frequently asked questions
What is therapy for men after infidelity with you?
Therapy for men after infidelity is individual psychotherapy for a man whose life has been shaken by an affair, either his own or his partner’s. It gives you a private place to tell the whole truth, steady yourself and decide what you want. Men come to me for this in English or Danish, in central Copenhagen or online.
I work with the whole man, not only the event: your history, your shame or rage, your loyalties and what you learned about love. It sits within therapy for men in relationships.
When should I come to you after an affair?
Come when the affair has taken over your sleep, your work or your mind, or when you notice yourself hiding, drinking or exploding. You do not need to wait until things settle. If you feel you cannot carry this alone, that feeling is enough to come.
In my clinical experience, the men who wait longest are the ones most sure they should handle it themselves. I look at how isolated you are and whether the shock is easing or hardening.
I was the one who cheated. Will you judge me?
No. I will take what you did seriously, and I will not pretend it did not hurt people. But judgement does not help a man change. Honesty does. I offer a place where you can look at why it happened without excuses and without self-hatred.
I have sat with many men on that side of an affair. Most of them were not careless. They were lonely, avoiding a conflict or living a hidden life they had never spoken about. I would focus with you on that, and on what your partner needs from you now.
She cheated on me. How do I stop feeling humiliated?
Slowly, and not by pretending you are fine. Humiliation after betrayal is one of the most painful feelings a man can have, and many men hide it under anger or coldness. The same is true when the partner is a man.
I help you feel it in a safe place, separate what was done to you from what it says about you, and recover your dignity without having to win. You do not have to decide about the relationship before that work begins.
Why do I keep demanding answers and then going cold?
Both moves are ways of trying to feel safe again. Asking again and again tries to get back certainty. Going cold protects you from being hurt a second time. Many men swing between the 2, and their partners find it confusing. It is not a weakness.
I help you see which move you make under pressure, what each one is trying to achieve and what it costs. Then we find steadier options: asking once and clearly, taking space without punishing, staying when you want to leave.
What will we talk about in the first session after the affair?
We start with now: what happened, what has been said, what you are doing to cope. I may ask a little about your relationship before the affair and about your family, because affairs rarely come from nowhere. You leave knowing what I make of it so far and where I would begin.
You do not need to prepare, and not knowing where to begin is fine. Book a first session when you are ready, or talk to me on a free call first.
How long does it take to get through an affair?
Plan for months rather than weeks. The first shock usually eases within a few weeks of steady work. Rebuilding trust in yourself or your partner, or deciding to leave, often takes longer. What affects it most is honesty, support and whether the affair is truly over.
I suggest we agree a first stretch of sessions and then look back on it together, rather than drift. After an affair, that review is often the moment a man sees how far he has come, and decides with me what comes next.
Should I come alone or with my partner?
Come alone first if you need to understand yourself, deal with shame or rage, or decide whether you want to stay. Come together once both of you want to try to repair. Online sessions are a good option if you travel or need privacy away from home.
Working on your own is part of my psychotherapy for men. Working as a pair after an affair is couples therapy. If the choice is unclear, a free call is a good place to weigh it up.
What does it cost to see you after an affair?
These are individual psychotherapy sessions, booked as 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy. The fee for a session today is shown on my prices page. Payment is by invoice and bank transfer.
A bundle of sessions saves 10 per cent and gives you a plan, as shown on therapy discounts and bundles. Settle the invoice on the day from a Danish bank account and another 3 per cent comes off.
How do I book a session with you after an affair?
Book your first session after the affair now, or request a free 30-minute discovery call if you want to talk first. One line about what happened is enough.
If the discovery is very recent and nothing in the calendar is soon enough, contact me directly. For a man in the first raw days after an affair, I can usually make room within days. Take the first step today.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
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