Therapy for men as trailing partners Copenhagen
Help when you followed your partner here and lost your own ground
I help you name what the move cost you and rebuild a life of your own here
- Last updated October 23, 2026
What I want men who followed a partner here to know
In this short video, I explain why men who move for a partner’s career often struggle in silence, and how our work helps you find your own place in Copenhagen.
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At a glance
Therapy for men as trailing partners Copenhagen helps men who moved to Denmark for their partner’s job and now feel sidelined, restless or unsure of their worth. Each session is a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, one to one, in English or Danish, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online.
I help you put words to what you gave up, deal honestly with the resentment and the doubt, and build work, friendships and a role here that are yours. This page sits under therapy for expat men, within psychotherapy for men. My page on trailing spouse psychotherapy covers accompanying partners of any gender, while this one is about what the role does to a man.
To take the next step, request a free discovery call, book a session, read my client policy or contact me.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Therapy for men as trailing partners Copenhagen is for men who came to Denmark because their partner was offered the job. You said yes for good reasons, and you love your family, but you did not expect to feel this lost. You want to make sense of it and find solid ground of your own.
- At your partner’s work dinners, someone always asks what you do, and you have a joke ready so you do not have to answer.
- You had a career, a title and colleagues back home, and now the most structured part of your week is Danish class.
- You do the school or børnehave run among the parents, and you feel watched, or simply invisible, standing at the gate.
- You have sent dozens of applications for jobs you are overqualified for, and the silence back has started to feel personal.
- When your partner talks about their day, you feel proud and resentful at once, and the resentment makes you ashamed.
- You agreed to the move, so you feel you have no right to complain, and you keep the frustration to yourself.
- You spend more of the day alone than you have since you were a student, and the flat feels smaller every week.
- You catch yourself counting what you gave up, quietly, as if one day the bill will need to be paid.
This is probably not for you if…
Some situations are close to this one but need a different starting point. If one of these fits you better, the link will help more.
- Your partner is ready to come with you, and you both want to work on the relationship. → couples therapy
- Several themes are weighing on you, and following your partner is only one of them. → psychotherapy for men
- You moved here for your own job or studies, and the move itself is the main strain. → therapy for expat men
- The real trouble is how you and your partner treat each other, and you want to look at your part. → therapy for men in relationships
- You have felt flat, numb or short-tempered for months, and the move no longer explains it. → depression in men
- You always put your partner first and hide your own needs, here and everywhere else. → nice guy syndrome therapy
- You lost your job or retired, and the loss of work is the heart of it, not the move. → men after job loss or retirement
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“Of all the men I see, the ones who followed a partner abroad are often the quietest about what it cost them. They agreed to the move, so they feel they have lost the right to complain. Underneath I hear ‘Do you still see me as someone you can lean on?’ and, beside it, ‘Leave me to sort out my own situation.’ My view is that the resentment is not the problem. The silence is. A man who swallows what he gave up does not become generous. He becomes distant, and the bill arrives later in another form. When he can say plainly what the move cost him, without blaming anyone, he usually finds his footing faster than he expected.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
Connect with me:
If you want me to call you ASAP, or if you want to book me, use the buttons below.
You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
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A typical situation
Viktor is 37, a civil engineer from Kraków. When his wife was offered a research post in Lyngby, they agreed it was too good to turn down. A year on, he does the børnehave run, goes to Danish class 3 mornings a week and applies for jobs he cannot quite read. At her department’s summer party, he made everyone laugh about being a house husband. At home he is short with her when she talks about work, and she says he has gone somewhere she cannot reach.
I would start with the deal Viktor made in his own head when he said yes, because it has never been said out loud. In our first session he would probably see that under the irritation sits grief for the engineer he was, and that he can name it without accusing his wife.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need therapy as a trailing partner with me
You have tried to make it work for your family, and you are quietly losing yourself in the process.
You do not need a crisis, a diagnosis or the perfect explanation before you come to see me. If you feel sidelined, restless or less like yourself since the move, or if tension with your partner keeps returning, that is enough. Over 22 years of practice I have seen how often a man’s struggle in this role is missed, by others and by himself, and I recognise when it needs proper attention.
My professional view is that this deserves to be taken as seriously as your partner’s career. I will help you see what is happening and what needs to change. The 6 questions below may help you judge whether this is the moment.
Have your days lost their purpose since your partner’s job brought you here?
If so, that matters. Without work to go to, many men fill the day with errands, the gym and job portals, and still reach the evening feeling they did nothing. You may find yourself waiting for your partner to come home so the day can start to mean something.
I would look at how long this has lasted and what used to give your days weight. That tells us whether this is the normal dip after a move or a pattern settling in. If it sounds like you, book a session with me and we will start with how your week really looks.
Are you glad for your partner’s success and also resentful of it?
Both are true for many men in your place, because they come from different parts of you. One part is proud of your partner and wants the move to work. Another part grieves the career and status you left behind. When your partner comes home excited, you can feel both at once, and then guilty for the resentment. My article on feeling jealous of your partner looks at this more closely.
I do not treat the resentment as ugly or the pride as the only acceptable feeling. Each one tells you something. I help you understand what each is protecting, so you can speak about both honestly instead of letting one leak out sideways.
Do you worry that your partner sees you differently now?
Many trailing men do, though few say it. You notice how often dinner conversation is about colleagues you have never met. You start reading small things as signs that you matter less, and you cannot settle until you feel needed again.
Wanting to stay important to the person you love is not weak, and I will not shame it. I help you calm the alarm before it turns into checking, sulking or picking fights, and practise asking your partner directly for the contact you need.
Do you want more closeness with your partner, and then push it away when it comes?
That swing is common in this role. You wait all day for your partner to come home, and when they reach out, you are cool or sarcastic. You want comfort and also feel that taking it would confirm you are the one who needs looking after.
I help you slow the moment down and see what turns longing into distance, often pride or a sense of being diminished. I respect why you protect yourself, and I will also hold you to repairing the moments when your coolness hurts someone who is on your side.
Do you go quiet and busy rather than tell your partner how you really are?
Many men in your position handle it alone. When your partner asks how you are, you talk about the plumber and the Danish homework. It feels like protecting the family from your mood. Over time, the 2 of you know less and less about each other’s inner lives.
Needing room to sort yourself out is fair. I help you see what the silence protects you from, often the fear of becoming a burden, and find a way to stay connected without handing over everything. You learn to say ‘I am not great today, I will tell you more tonight’, and then do it.
Do you know who you are when nobody is asking what you do for a living?
For many men, work quietly carried their whole sense of worth. Take it away, and the question ‘what do you do?’ becomes a small humiliation. Sam Keen, in “Fire in the Belly”, writes about how a man’s identity gets tied to work and achievement, and about the fuller manhood that has room for feeling, friendship and care.
I help you look at which parts of your identity were your job and which were you all along. I will push you when you diminish yourself, but I will not decide who you should be. The aim is a sense of worth that does not depend on your title, and a plan for work and life here that you choose.
If this sounds like your life here, request a free call to talk it through, or go ahead and book a session.
You can also send me an email
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What therapy as a trailing partner with me will help you do
Seeing what the move has done to you is the start, and the work then has to change how you spend your days and speak at home.
Therapy with me will help you understand what has happened to you since the move, see the patterns that keep you stuck and make changes your partner will notice. Understanding your resentment only matters if it changes what you say at the kitchen table.
I am an active therapist. I will tell you what I see, suggest things to try and challenge the explanations that keep you small. Since 2010 I have been a student of men’s work, and it has added to and deepened how I work as a psychotherapist. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
How will I help you see what the move has really stirred up?
I help you separate the situation from what it has uncovered. The sharp words, the drinking and the restless days are real, but they are often signs of something else: grief for a professional self, lost status, an old fear of depending on someone, or an unspoken agreement that the sacrifice will one day be repaid.
I tell you what I think is happening and what needs attention first, and I will challenge stories like ‘I just need to find a job and it will all be fine’. When you are ready, book a session with me and we will look at it properly.
How can you notice the resentment before it comes out sideways?
You can learn to catch it early. Resentment rarely arrives as a speech. It shows up as a sigh when your partner mentions a work trip, a joke with an edge at dinner, or a sudden need to go out when they get home. Once you know your own first signs, you can choose to speak instead.
In sessions, we trace what sets the feeling off and what it is asking for. Then we practise putting it into plain words. The change happens when you try the new response at home that same week.
How can you steady yourself when you feel useless or overlooked?
Steadying yourself does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means staying present enough to understand what you feel and choose what to do with it. Feeling useless may be grief for the work you left.
I help you notice the slump or the irritation earlier and find ways to settle it that fit you: structure in the day, movement, contact with other men. I will be clear that practice between sessions matters, because the hard hours are the empty ones at home.
How can you tell your partner what you need without keeping score?
It starts with knowing what you need and owning it as yours. Many men in your place never say it outright. They make a hidden deal instead: I gave up my career, so you owe me. Robert Glover, in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, calls these covert contracts. They rarely work, because the other person never agreed to them.
I help you replace the hidden deal with honest, specific requests. I will challenge you when you keep quiet to be the good guy, and when you expect your partner to guess. We often rehearse the real conversation, so you can say it calmly and hear the answer.
How do you decide what comes next for your own work and life?
Decisions get clearer when you separate guilt, pride and fear of what others think from what you actually want. Some men wait for the perfect job and lose a year. Others grab anything to escape the question ‘what do you do?’
I help you weigh real options: retraining, freelancing, a step down to get started, a different field or a period at home with the children by choice. I will give you my view and name avoidance when I see it. The decision stays yours, made together with your partner. My article on being a trailing spouse covers some of the practical side.
What does a life of your own here actually look like?
It means change you can see: a structure to your week, work or a project that is yours, friends here who know you apart from your partner, and an honest arrangement at home about who carries what.
We work out together which parts of your life need to change and which are fine as they are. Your care for your family and your flexibility are strengths, not signs of weakness. The aim is that you stay here, or leave, as a man who chose it.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin therapy as a trailing partner with me
You do not need to have it figured out or find the right words. We begin with what your days here are like now.
When you begin, I listen, help you name what is hardest and give the work a clear direction early. You do not need a diagnosis or a neat story. Many men start by saying they should not complain, and that is where we begin.
What we do together is a focused form of psychotherapy, one to one, looking at your inner life and your relationships. If the strain lives mostly between you and your partner and both of you are willing, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. When you expect to need a series of sessions, therapy discounts and bundles give you savings and a structured plan.
What happens in our first session?
I ask how the move came about, what you left behind, what an ordinary day looks like now and what you would like to be different. You do not need to cover everything at once.
At the end, I give you my first understanding of what is going on and suggest a direction. You decide whether it feels useful. If you would like to talk before booking, request a free 30-minute call.
When is individual therapy the right choice in your situation?
Individual work fits when the focus is you: your sense of worth, your feelings about the move, your history and how you handle the shift in roles. You can explore the relationship fully without your partner present.
In individual sessions, I give you continuity and honest challenge from week to week. To see how I work with adults in general, Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my individual practice as a whole.
When is it wiser for the 2 of you to choose couples therapy?
Couples therapy is the better choice when the relationship itself needs ongoing attention: the same row about the move keeps coming back, intimacy has faded, or one of you feels the other no longer sees them.
In couples work, I help you both see the cycle, take responsibility for your own part and find a fairer, closer way of living together abroad. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing.
How often should you come?
The pace depends on how heavy things feel and how much continuity the work needs. Because your days may be less structured than your partner’s, a regular appointment can also help anchor your week.
I usually recommend weekly sessions to begin with. I will tell you when sessions are too far apart to build momentum, and when the work is ready to slow down.
When is a bundle a good idea for you?
A bundle is a good idea when you expect several sessions and want continuity without weighing each one against the household budget.
A bundle gives you a saving and the security of a structured plan, and I will help you judge whether it fits. You can see the choices on therapy discounts and bundles.
How will we know when the work is finished?
The work is finished when you feel like yourself again here, can talk with your partner about the move without a hidden score, and have something in your week that is yours.
I review progress openly and do not encourage dependency. Sessions can space out, pause or stop. If a new posting or a move home brings you back later, the earlier work still counts.
How it works with me
- Start with a free 30-minute call, or book a first session. You can tell me in a line or 2 how you came to be in Denmark.
- Each appointment is one hour with 50 minutes of therapy, just you and me, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish. Appointments are available from 08:00 to 21:00 Copenhagen time every day of the week, subject to availability.
- We usually meet weekly to begin with. Between sessions, you put into practice what we agree, both in your days and at home.
- Every few sessions, we look honestly at what has moved. Together we decide whether to keep the pace, bring in couples work, meet less often or stop.
- Planning a longer stretch? A therapy bundle takes 10 per cent off and gives you a clear plan from the first session. Bundles are listed just below.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure this page is your starting point? Here is how it compares with the options nearest to it.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Therapy for men as trailing partners (this page) | You moved for your partner’s job and feel sidelined or lost. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Therapy for expat men | You moved for your own reasons, and life abroad is the strain. | Weekly or every second week |
| Men after job loss or retirement | Losing your work is the heart of it, wherever you live. | A focused course of sessions |
| Therapy for men in relationships | You want to work on your own part in the relationship. | 1-hour sessions on your own |
Frequently asked questions
What is therapy for trailing partners with you?
Therapy for men as trailing partners is individual psychotherapy for men who moved to Denmark for their partner’s career and are struggling with the loss of work, status, friends or confidence that came with it. It is available in English or Danish, face to face in Copenhagen or online.
I work in depth with the whole person, including the expectations about men and work you grew up with, and I keep the work practical. It is part of my therapy for expat men, focused on the man who followed rather than led the move.
When should I come, rather than wait for a job to fix it?
Come when the low days have lasted months, when you are snapping at your partner or children, or when you no longer recognise yourself. A job may help, but it will not by itself settle what the move stirred up. Your own sense that you are not right is enough.
In 22 years of practice I have learned to look at whether the strain is easing or hardening, and what it is doing to the relationship. If the same argument returns every few weeks, it is time.
Can therapy help if the real problem is that I have no job here?
Yes. Therapy will not find you a job, but it can change how you carry the waiting, how you present yourself and what kind of work you go after. I cannot promise outcomes, but I can promise honest, focused work.
In my clinical experience, men in this role often apply from a place of shame, which shows in interviews and in how they talk about themselves. When we work on the shame, the search usually becomes clearer and less desperate.
Will I end up blaming my partner for everything?
No. The aim is the opposite: to name what you feel without turning it into a charge sheet. Unspoken resentment tends to come out as blame. Spoken resentment can become a conversation.
I will help you separate what is your partner’s responsibility, what is yours and what simply came with the move. If the relationship needs joint work, I will tell you, and couples therapy may follow.
Why do I want my partner’s support, and then bristle when it comes?
Because accepting support can feel like confirming you are the one who needs looking after. Part of you longs for comfort, and part of you guards your pride. The same partner can be welcomed one evening and pushed away the next. It is a way of protecting yourself, not a flaw in your character.
I help you notice when each part takes over and what it costs the 2 of you. Then we practise accepting help without feeling smaller, and asking for it before the pride takes over.
What will we talk about in the first session?
We start with your life here now: your days, your relationship, what you miss and what you hope for. I ask a little about your background and what work meant to you before the move. By the end, I give you my first impressions and a suggested focus.
You do not need to prepare. When it feels right, book a first session or ask for a free discovery call.
How many sessions do trailing partners usually need?
I suggest planning a first stretch of a few months, usually weekly at the start. That is often enough to name what the move has cost, ease the strain at home and make a plan for your own work and life.
From 22 years of practice, I prefer a clear first stretch with an honest review over sessions without direction. We then take stock together, and you decide the next step with me.
Should I come alone, or bring my partner?
Start alone if the main thing is your own sense of loss and worth. Many men need room to say things they are not yet ready to say in front of their partner. If the relationship itself is the main issue and you are both willing, couples sessions may help more.
I can help you decide on a free call. Sessions alone can be in person or online, in English or Danish.
What does it cost to work with you?
Individual sessions are 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy, and today’s price is on my prices page. Payment is by invoice, settled by bank transfer.
A bundle brings the cost down by 10 per cent and fixes a plan, and the options are on therapy discounts and bundles. Settle the invoice on the day from a Danish bank account, and you save a further 3 per cent.
How do I take the first step?
Book a first session online, or request a free 30-minute call if you want to talk first.
If none of the times suit you, or things feel urgent, contact me directly. I keep room for acute situations, usually within days. Book your time, and we will make a start.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
Explore other services I offer
Individual psychotherapy
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