Perfectionism therapy Copenhagen
Help to let good enough be good enough, and mean it
I help you quieten the inner critic and find out what it is guarding
- Last updated October 23, 2026
What I want you to know about your high standards
In this short video, I explain why lowering your standards by willpower rarely works, and what changes when you understand who your inner critic is trying to please.
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At a glance
Perfectionism therapy Copenhagen helps you when your own standards have become a source of constant pressure, self-criticism and delay, however much you achieve. You see me on your own for a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, in English or Danish, either at my practice in central Copenhagen or online.
I help you understand where the demand to be flawless comes from, what it protects you from and what it costs you, so you can keep your care for quality without being ruled by fear of mistakes. Perfectionism is one strand of my stress therapy, which is part of my wider psychotherapy work.
There is no perfect way in. Book a session, start with a free discovery call, look through my client policy first, or simply write to me in a few unpolished lines.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Perfectionism therapy Copenhagen is for adults whose need to get everything right has started to cost them sleep, joy and time. Other people may admire your standards, while inside you feel you are never quite good enough. You want to understand why the bar keeps rising, and to learn to finish, rest and enjoy what you have done.
- You rewrite a 2-line email 4 times before you send it, and still worry about how it sounds.
- You put off starting a task until the last possible moment, because starting means it might not be perfect.
- You remember the one critical comment in your appraisal and forget the 10 positive ones within an hour.
- You tidy, plan and check so that nothing goes wrong, and feel irritable when others do things differently.
- You reach a goal you worked towards for years and feel only a short flicker of relief before the next target.
- You avoid hobbies, sports or languages you are not already good at, because being a beginner feels humiliating.
- You find it hard to let colleagues or your partner help, since redoing their work feels easier than accepting it.
- You hear a harsh voice in your head after every small mistake, and you would never speak to a friend like that.
This is probably not for you if…
High standards often travel with other struggles, and some of those need a different kind of help. If one of the situations below sounds more like you, the linked page is likely to be a closer match.
- The main problem is sheer overload from work and family, rather than your own standards. → stress therapy
- You have already collapsed from exhaustion and need to recover before anything else. → burnout therapy
- Your biggest fear is being exposed as a fraud, rather than making mistakes. → imposter syndrome therapy
- You keep wrecking your own chances just as things start going well. → self-sabotage therapy
- A deep sense of being wrong or unworthy as a person sits underneath everything. → shame therapy
- You want to look at your life more broadly, with perfectionism only one theme among several. → psychotherapy
- Your mind loops on decisions and conversations, whether or not your standards are involved. → overthinking therapy
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“Looking back over my 22 years of practice, I have rarely met a perfectionist who simply loved quality. Almost always, the perfection is a way of staying safe from someone’s disappointment, often someone who is no longer even in the room. Underneath the drive I keep hearing ‘If I get this wrong, will they still love me?’ and, from another corner, ‘Just let me do it myself, I do not want anyone to see it unfinished.’ Some people hold both at once: ‘Look at what I made, but do not look too closely.’ My view is firm. You will not argue your way out of perfectionism. You loosen it when you find out whose approval it is still chasing.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
Connect with me:
If you want me to call you ASAP, or if you want to book me, use the buttons below.
You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
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A typical situation
Oskar is 31, an architect at a respected studio in Nordhavn. His drawings are praised, yet he stays until 23:00 most nights adjusting details nobody else will notice. He has not finished the novel he started at 24, because the first chapter is never right. His girlfriend says weekends with him feel like inspections. When his manager suggested he lead a small project, Oskar felt sick for 3 days and found reasons to say no.
I would start with the voice that tells Oskar a detail is wrong, and ask him whose voice it sounds like. In our first session he would probably notice that the standard he works to is not his own, and that it grew up in a home where only top marks counted.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need perfectionism therapy with me
You have tried telling yourself it does not need to be perfect, and the inner pressure has not budged.
There is no right time and no qualifying reason to start perfectionism therapy. If you sense that your standards are hurting you, that you cannot enjoy what you achieve, or that the people close to you feel judged, that is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, a breakdown or a perfect description of the problem before you come to see me. That last point matters, because many perfectionists wait until they can explain themselves flawlessly. In 22 years of practice, I have come to recognise when high standards have turned into a trap that needs proper attention.
In sessions, I usually begin by helping you see what happens in the moment the inner critic speaks, what it protects you from and what it costs. I will tell you plainly what I notice. Use the 6 questions below to judge, roughly and without scoring yourself, whether now is the moment to book.
Do simple tasks take you far longer than they should?
If they do, that is a sign worth taking seriously. Perfectionism often shows up less as excellence and more as slowness, avoidance and checking. A presentation that should take a morning takes a week. You cannot send the report until every sentence is polished, so it arrives late, and then you feel ashamed of being late. Your shoulders tense when you open the file, and you may find yourself cleaning the kitchen instead of starting.
I would look at where this pattern shows up, at work, at home or in your body and appearance, and how long it has been there. That helps us tell the difference between a demanding phase and a lifelong rule that will not loosen by itself. My article on perfectionism describes the wider pattern if you want to read more first. If that long gap between starting and sending sounds familiar, book a session with me and we can look at it together.
Do you want to relax your standards, yet fear what would happen if you did?
Both are true, because each part of you serves a different need. One part is exhausted by the constant checking and longs to be ordinary for a while. Another part believes the standards are the only thing keeping you from disaster, rejection or mediocrity. So you promise yourself to hand something in as it is, then stay up until 01:00 fixing it. Afterwards you feel both relieved and defeated.
I do not treat the critical part as an enemy to get rid of. It usually began as a way to earn love, avoid criticism or keep order in a chaotic home. In my work we treat it as one of your inner figures, with its own history and its own fears. I help you understand what it is protecting, and what the tired part needs, so you can choose your standards rather than obey them.
Do you need others to confirm your work is good before you can relax?
Many perfectionists do, though they rarely admit it. You send a piece of work and then watch your inbox. A short reply or no reply at all can feel like proof that it was not good enough. You reread the feedback looking for hidden criticism, ask a colleague whether it was all right, or replay the meeting on the way home. Praise brings relief for a moment, then the doubt returns.
Your wish to know your work is valued is fair, and I will not shame it. What I help you change is the alarm that turns every silence into a verdict. Together we look at what the reassurance is meant to calm, often an old fear that love and acceptance depend on getting it right, and you practise judging your own work by your own standards, and asking directly for feedback when you need it.
Do you want people close, but only once everything is in order?
This is common, and it can confuse both you and the people who care about you. You want friends round, but only once the flat is spotless, so the dinner keeps getting postponed. You long for your partner to see you, yet you show only the polished version and feel hurt when they do not know what is really going on. Closeness feels good and dangerous at once, because being seen also means being seen when you are imperfect.
I help you slow this cycle down, so we can see the moment when wanting connection turns into needing to look flawless first. Usually something specific triggers it, such as fear of judgement or of being a disappointment. I have real compassion for that reaction. I will also ask you to take responsibility for the ways it keeps people at arm’s length, and help you practise letting someone in before everything is ready.
Do you withdraw when people see your mistakes?
For many perfectionists, a visible mistake feels unbearable. When someone points out an error, or sees you struggle, you may go quiet, become very factual, laugh it off or disappear into work to fix it alone. You might avoid a friend for a week after saying something clumsy. Pulling back gives you a sense of control. The cost is that people never get to know the real, imperfect you, and you stay alone with your harshest judge.
My view is that this withdrawal protects something important, and I will not shame you for it. I help you understand what the distance protects you from, often a deep fear of humiliation, so you can stay present a little longer after a mistake without collapsing inside. You learn to say “I got that wrong, give me a moment” before you vanish. Needing a moment is fine. Hiding every flaw is a lonely way to live.
If you were not the one who gets it right, who would you be?
For many people, being competent, careful and reliable has become their whole identity. It may have earned you praise at school, a place in your family or respect at work. But it can leave you unsure who you are when you are not achieving. You may not know what you enjoy, only what you are good at. That is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a sign of how long you have been adapting to other people’s expectations.
I help you look at which parts of your drive are truly yours and which you took on to meet the demands of family, school, culture or the generations before you. I will offer direction and challenge you when you hide behind performance, but I will not hand you a new identity. The aim is to know more clearly who you are, what you value and how you want to spend a life that is not one long exam.
If you recognise yourself here, request a free call to talk it through, or book a session now, even if you cannot yet explain it perfectly.
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What perfectionism therapy with me will help you do
Understanding your perfectionism helps, but you also need to practise finishing, resting and making mistakes in real life.
Perfectionism therapy with me will help you understand what drives your standards, recognise the patterns that keep you checking and delaying, and make changes you can feel in your work, your relationships and your evenings. Insight is valuable, and perfectionists are often very good at insight. But understanding why you need to be flawless, without acting differently, leaves the pressure exactly where it was.
Over 22 years in practice I have found that perfectionism shifts when I am an active partner in the room, not a quiet audience for your self-analysis. I will not simply nod along to clever explanations. I will guide you, name what I see and challenge you when an argument keeps you stuck. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
How will I help you see what your perfectionism is really about?
I help you separate the core of the problem from its symptoms. The late nights, the endless editing and the irritation with others are real, but they are consequences. Underneath them there are usually specific beliefs and feelings: that mistakes reveal something shameful about you, that love has to be earned, that if you relax everything will fall apart, or loyalty to a parent whose approval depended on results.
I bring structure to this. I tell you what I think is going on, what deserves attention first and which explanations keep you stuck, such as “I just care about quality”. I work with conscious and unconscious patterns, and with the body, because the critic often shows up as tension before it shows up as a thought. You can book a session with me, and we will begin to trace where your rules came from and what they ask of you.
How can you catch the inner critic before it takes over?
You can learn to notice its early signs, and that is often where the change starts. The critic usually arrives in a familiar order: a tightening in your chest, a thought like “this is not good enough”, an urge to open the file one more time. Once you can recognise the first step, you have a moment in which you can choose to stop, send or rest.
In sessions, I help you slow that sequence down and look at what sets it off, what it protects and what it costs. Recognition is not enough. We practise a different response, in the room and between sessions, such as deliberately sending something at 90 per cent and noticing what happens, until it becomes something you can use on an ordinary working day.
How can you stay calm when something is not quite right?
Staying calm does not mean pretending you do not care, or forcing yourself to accept anything. It means staying present enough to notice the discomfort of imperfection without acting on it immediately. For many perfectionists, a crooked picture or an unanswered detail feels physically uncomfortable. That feeling is real, and it is also something your body can learn to tolerate.
I help you notice the activation earlier and understand what your nervous system is reacting to, often an old expectation of criticism or punishment. We find concrete ways of tolerating “not quite right” that fit your life. I will be clear that this asks for practice between sessions. Small, repeated experiments with imperfection will change more than any number of good conversations.
How can you ask for what you need without making it perfect first?
Saying what you need begins with knowing what you feel, what you want and which load is really yours. Perfectionism makes this hard. You may wait until you can phrase a request flawlessly, over-explain to avoid any misunderstanding, or say nothing and quietly resent that others do not meet your standards. Over time the unspoken expectations build into tension.
I help you speak in a rough first draft, honest and to the point, rather than waiting for the polished version that never comes. I will challenge you when you silence yourself until the message is perfect, and I will also challenge you when you expect others to share your standards without being asked. We often rehearse real conversations, with a colleague, your partner or your family, until you can say what you need in plain, imperfect words.
How can you make a decision without needing to be certain it is the right one?
Clearer decisions become possible when you separate fear of getting it wrong, obligation and other people’s expectations from what you actually know and value. Perfectionism treats every choice as a test with one correct answer. So you research endlessly, compare options and delay, waiting for a certainty that will never come.
I help you look honestly at your options, their likely consequences and what each choice would ask of you. I will give you my professional view, and I will point it out when you are avoiding a decision by researching it. I will not choose for you. If the pressure has already driven you to exhaustion, burnout therapy looks at that side more closely.
What does a life look like where good enough is genuinely enough?
The real measure of this work is what happens on an ordinary Tuesday, well away from my practice. The test is whether you can leave the office at a reasonable time, enjoy a meal you cooked without judging it, take up a new hobby badly and laugh at your own mistakes. You may need different routines, fewer self-imposed rules, more honest relationships and room for play.
Together we sort the standards worth keeping from the ones that only feed your fear. Your eye for detail, your care and your ambition are not the problem, and I will not try to remove them. The aim is to help you live with more freedom and choice, so your standards serve your values rather than your fear.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin perfectionism therapy with me
You do not need a perfect explanation or a neat summary. We start from where your standards are pressing hardest this month, and from what you would like to feel instead.
From our first meeting, I listen for the rule your critic keeps repeating, put a name to it with you and set out where we will start. I do not expect you to arrive with a diagnosis, a well-organised account or a theory of your perfectionism. A messy first session is not just allowed. It is often useful.
Perfectionism therapy is a focused form of psychotherapy, structured individual work on your inner critic, your history and your relationships. If your standards are mainly causing trouble in your relationship and your partner is willing to come, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. If you already sense this will be a longer piece of work, therapy discounts and bundles lower the cost and fix a plan in advance, so you are not re-deciding after each session.
What happens in our first perfectionism session?
In our first session, I ask what brought you now, where your perfectionism causes the most trouble, what you have tried and what you want to be different. I listen for when the standards first appeared and whose voice the critic seems to use. You do not need to tell me your whole story before useful work can begin.
Before you leave, I tell you how I read your perfectionism so far and suggest where our work should begin. You decide whether my way of working feels useful. If booking a full session feels like too big a first step, a free 30-minute discovery call lets you ask your questions first.
When should you choose individual therapy for perfectionism?
Individual therapy is the right choice when the perfectionism lives mainly in you: in your inner critic, your fear of mistakes, your history and the way you relate to work and to yourself. That is almost always the case, even when it causes friction with others. We can explore your relationships thoroughly without anyone else attending.
Working one to one, I keep track of your critic from week to week, steer the sessions and tell you honestly when a familiar argument is keeping you stuck. If you want to look at your life more broadly, with perfectionism as one theme among others, Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my structured individual work as a whole.
When is couples therapy a better choice than perfectionism therapy?
Choose couples therapy instead when your standards have moved into the relationship and it is the relationship that now needs the work. If your standards have become a constant source of conflict, if your partner feels criticised and has stopped trying, or if the 2 of you are stuck in a cycle of correcting and withdrawing, working on it together can help more than working on it alone.
With a couple, I help each of you see how correcting and pulling away feed each other, own your half of it and find a gentler way back to each other. That is more than settling one argument about how to load the dishwasher. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing, and some people start with individual work and bring the relationship in later.
How often should you come for perfectionism therapy?
The right pace depends on how strongly your perfectionism affects your life, how much room you have right now and how much continuity the work needs. Because this work involves practising new behaviour between sessions, a regular rhythm helps you build on each step.
For perfectionism, I suggest starting with a session every week or every other week, so each small experiment gets looked at while it is still fresh. I will tell you honestly if sessions are too far apart for change to take hold, if a period of closer sessions would help, or when the work can safely become less frequent. Back-to-back sessions over a few days are also possible if that suits your life better.
When does a bundle make sense for perfectionism therapy?
A bundle makes sense when you already know the work will take several sessions and you want continuity instead of deciding after every appointment whether therapy was perfect enough to continue. Perfectionists often evaluate each session harshly. A planned course takes that judgement off the table and lets you focus on the work.
A bundle also costs less per session. If you are unsure how many sessions your perfectionism is likely to need, ask me and I will give you my honest estimate. For a perfectionist, a fixed number of sessions can be a relief, and the choices sit on therapy discounts and bundles and in the cards lower on this page.
How will we know when perfectionism therapy has done its job?
Therapy has done its job when you have more freedom and choice about your standards, when mistakes no longer feel like a catastrophe, and when you can carry on without the same support. The critic may still speak, but it no longer has the last word. You finish things, rest and enjoy them.
We check honestly, at regular points, whether therapy is still earning its place, and I have no wish to keep you coming for longer than you need. When the critic has lost its grip, we can space sessions out, take a break or stop. Coming back one day with a new question would not undo what we did earlier. It simply means life moved on.
How it works with me
- Begin with a free 30-minute call, or book your first session directly. You do not need to explain it perfectly. A few lines about what is going on is enough for me to check this is the right starting point.
- The first meeting is a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, just the 2 of us, in English or Danish, in my room at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or on video. You can book any day of the week between 08:00 and 21:00 Copenhagen time, depending on what is free.
- In the early stretch, most people come every week or every other week. Between sessions you try small, deliberate experiments with doing things imperfectly, and we look at what happened next time.
- Every few sessions, we review honestly what has changed in your work, your relationships and how you speak to yourself. Then you and I agree whether to carry on at the same rhythm, meet less often or bring the work to a close.
- If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure perfectionism therapy is the right starting point? Here is how it compares with the options people with very high standards most often consider.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Perfectionism therapy (this page) | Your own standards and inner critic are the main source of pressure. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Stress therapy | The load from work and life is the problem more than your standards. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Imposter syndrome therapy | You fear being exposed as not good enough, despite your success. | Weekly or every second week |
| Burnout therapy | Years of high standards have already left you exhausted. | A slow, steady course of 1-hour sessions |
Frequently asked questions
What is perfectionism therapy with you?
Perfectionism therapy with me is individual psychotherapy for adults whose need to get things right has become a source of pressure, delay, self-criticism or conflict. Rather than only teaching you to lower your standards, it helps you understand where they came from, what they protect you from and how to choose them freely. Sessions are in English or Danish, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or by video.
I work integratively and in depth, with your inner critic, your emotions, your body and what you inherited from your family. Perfectionism therapy is a sub-branch of stress therapy within my psychotherapy.
When should I come to you about my perfectionism?
Come when your standards cost you sleep, time, joy or closeness, or when you notice yourself avoiding things because you might not do them well. You do not need to wait for burnout. Your own sense that you are too hard on yourself is reason enough.
In 22 years of practice, I have learned to look at how harsh the inner critic is, how much you avoid and whether your relationships suffer. If you cannot enjoy what you have achieved, or the pressure keeps rising however much you do, it deserves proper attention.
Can therapy help if I have always been like this?
Yes, often it can. Perfectionism that has been with you since childhood is usually woven into how you learned to stay safe and accepted, which means it can be understood and loosened as an adult. I will not tell you how far it will shift or by when, because a lifelong habit does not answer to a deadline, and I do not work with shortcuts.
In my clinical experience, people who have always been perfectionists often discover that the standards once made perfect sense. They may have kept peace in a critical home, or earned attention in a busy one. I would focus with you on what the standards were for then, and what you need now.
Will I lose my edge if I stop being a perfectionist?
No. This is the most common fear I hear from perfectionists, and it is almost always unfounded. Most people find they work better, not worse, once fear stops running the show, because they finish things, take sensible risks and recover properly.
I do not aim to make you careless or less ambitious. I help you separate genuine care for quality from fear-driven checking, so you can keep the first and loosen the second. You decide how high your bar should be. The difference is that it becomes a choice.
Why do I either try to impress people or keep them at a distance?
Both are ways of trying to stay safe from judgement. Some people work hard to impress, polish every detail and seek approval. Others keep people at a distance, so nobody gets close enough to see their flaws. Many people do both, depending on who is watching. None of this is a character flaw. It is how you learned to protect yourself, often a long time ago.
In our sessions you learn to spot whether you reach for polish or for distance when someone might see a flaw, what that reflex is protecting and what price you and others pay for it. Then we work on steadier options: letting people see you as you are, asking for what you need and accepting care without having earned it first.
What will we actually do in the first perfectionism session?
We start with what is happening now. I ask where your perfectionism shows up most, what it costs you, what you have tried and what you hope will change. I also ask a little about your family and school years, because high standards often have a history. You leave with my early sense of what keeps your standards so tight and a suggested plan for the next sessions.
You do not need to prepare a perfect account. Many perfectionists arrive with notes, and that is fine, but you are welcome to leave them at home. Whenever it feels right, book your first session, or start more gently with a free discovery call.
How many sessions of perfectionism therapy will I need?
Most people with perfectionism do well to think in terms of a few months, meeting every week or every other week. That is often enough to understand the pattern and start acting differently. Perfectionism that runs deep, or is tangled up with shame or older experiences, usually needs longer.
After 22 years of practice, I prefer a defined first stretch with an honest review at the end of it to an open-ended arrangement that slowly loses focus. At that review we weigh up what has loosened, and together we choose to carry on, meet less often or finish.
Should I come in person or have perfectionism therapy online?
Both work well, and I recommend in person if you can. Sitting in the room with someone who sees you, mistakes and all, can itself be part of the work. Online sessions are a good choice if you live outside Copenhagen, travel a lot or prefer to start from home, and they last just as long.
Whichever you choose, it is the same psychotherapy, in English or Danish. Torn between the 2? We can settle it on a free call, and there is no wrong answer.
What does perfectionism therapy with you cost?
Each perfectionism therapy session is a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, the same format as all my individual psychotherapy. The current price is on my prices page. Payment is by invoice and bank transfer.
Buying a bundle of sessions brings the cost down by 10 per cent and gives the work a set shape from the start. How many sessions each perfectionism bundle covers is shown on therapy discounts and bundles. Paying the same day by transfer from a Danish bank account takes another 3 per cent off.
How do I book perfectionism therapy with you?
Either book your first session straight away, or ask for a free 30-minute discovery call if a conversation first would make it easier to start. A short, imperfect message about what is going on is all I need.
If you cannot find a time that suits you, or something feels urgent, contact me directly. When something cannot wait, I can usually find you a time within days. Book now, before you start drafting the perfect reason to wait.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
Explore other services I offer
Individual psychotherapy
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