Finding a therapist in Copenhagen as an expat: what to ask

Why does being an expat change what you need from therapy?

The ordinary context a therapist normally shares with you is missing, so part of each session goes to explaining. Just under 29 per cent of the people living in Copenhagen are immigrants or the children of immigrants, so the city is full of people who came from somewhere else, or whose parents did.

• The missing ground. The school system you grew up inside, what your family expects at a funeral, whether a raised voice means danger or means nothing at all.
• The cost of explaining. Every explanation costs you time, and it keeps you one step outside what you are describing.
• Translator of your own life. You translate your own life for the therapist, and translators stand outside the story.
• How it shows. People notice this as tiredness, and seldom as a problem with the therapy.

Read more about feeling homesick years after the move.

What happens when therapy is in your second language?

The language in use shapes how emotional subjects are discussed and how rapport is built. Research on multilingual therapy is small but consistent. A study of 10 therapists in the Netherlands found that the language used shaped how emotional subjects were discussed, how rapport was built and held, and how cultural differences were handled.

• Childhood words carry weight. Words you learned as a child carry the situations you learned them in.
• Later words arrive lighter. The same word in a later language arrives with the meaning attached and the weight missing.
• Distance sometimes helps. Shameful or frightening things are sometimes easier to say in a second language, because the words feel further away.
• Switching is information. If you drop into your first language when you talk about your mother, or into English when you talk about work, that marks where the feeling lives.

A therapist who works across languages treats the switch as material. Read more about therapy in your second language.

What should I ask a therapist about their own background?

Ask directly what they have lived, because a therapist who works well with expats is not thrown by the question.

• Living abroad. Have you lived outside your own country, and for how long?
• Language. What is your first language, and which language do you dream in?
• Feelings in another language. How do you work when my feelings are in a language you do not speak?
• Family expectations. What do you do when my family’s expectations differ sharply from Danish norms?
• Couples. Have you worked with couples where the partners come from different cultures?

The questions show whether you will spend your sessions being understood or explaining. My own answer: I was born in London and raised English, my family moved to Denmark while I was a child, and I was raised Danish too. I work in both languages, and I know both cultures from the inside.

What if one partner is Danish and the other is not?

A couple across 2 cultures carries strains that a couple sharing one country does not. A review of intercultural couples describes the pattern.

• Values, norms and rituals. The 2 of you disagree about what is normal, and each takes their own version as the obvious one.
• Families. One family, or both, does not accept the relationship.
• Whose language. You talk about the relationship in a language that belongs to one of you, or to neither of you.
• The argument underneath. The argument is often about something other than what it appears to be about.
• Only one of you is ready. One person works on the relationship from their side.
• Separating. Leaving is harder when the children have a school, a language and a set of friends on one side of a border.

None of that means the relationship is wrong. Read more about expat couples therapy, couples therapy alone and expat divorce therapy.

Does it have to be in Copenhagen?

No, sessions run in the room in central Copenhagen or online wherever you are.

• Travel for work. Online sessions keep the work going while you are away.
• Already left Denmark. You finish online the work you started here.
• Leaving within a year. Say so at the start, so the work is planned around it.
• No room in the week. Concentrated formats exist for people who are unable to come weekly.

Read more about online or in-person therapy, fly-in couples therapy and weekend sessions.

How do I check a therapist and stop explaining myself?

In Denmark, psychologist is a protected title and psychotherapist is not, so the checking is yours to do.

• Training. Ask what training they have, how long it was, and where they did it.
• Languages. Ask which languages the work happens in, and what happens if you switch mid-session.
• Supervision. Ask whether they have regular supervision.
• Terms. Ask about the fee and the cancellation terms.
• Confidentiality. Ask what is confidential, and what gets written down.
• Write it down first. Before the first session, write down how your family handles conflict, what you are expected to do for your parents, and what you gave up to come here.
• Say where you are. If you want online sessions, tell the therapist which country you are in.

You should get plain answers to every question. Read more about finding the right therapist.

These steps fail when the answers are vague, or when you are still explaining the same background in every session. Saying that out loud is what the session is for.

Questions people ask

Do I need a therapist who speaks my first language?

No, many people work well in a shared second language. What matters is that you move between your languages when you need to, and that the therapist treats those moments as meaningful.

Is therapy in English as good as therapy in my own language?

Yes, for many people it is. The language used shapes how emotional subjects are discussed and how rapport is built, so say early on if a word only exists for you in another language.

My partner is Danish and I am not. Is couples therapy in English possible?

Yes, sessions here run in English or Danish. If one of you is working in a second language, say so in the first session, because it affects who finds it easier to speak.

I might leave Denmark within a year. Is it worth starting?

Yes, and say it at the start, so the work is planned around it. Sessions continue online after you move, and a short, focused piece of work is a reasonable thing to ask for.

How do I know if a therapist understands expat life?

Ask what they have lived as well as what they have read. Ask how they work when your family’s expectations are unlike Danish norms, and listen for whether the answer is specific.

Sources

• Københavns Kommune, Status på København 2025, 2025
• Verkerk, Backus, Faro, Dewaele and Das, Language choice in psychotherapy of multilingual clients: perspectives from multilingual therapists, Language and Psychoanalysis, 2021
• Diakonova-Curtis, Bilingualism as a tool in psychotherapy, Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy, 2016
• Mayer, Challenges and coping of couples in intercultural romantic love relationships, International Review of Psychiatry, 2023

How this article was written. I choose the subject and the angle. An AI assistant researches and drafts. Nothing is published until I have read it, corrected it and stood behind every clinical statement in it. The professional and clinical judgement is mine and mine alone.