Complicated grief therapy Copenhagen
Help when your grief has stopped moving
I help you reach the knot that keeps the loss from settling
- Last updated October 23, 2026
What I want you to know when grief gets stuck
In this short video, I explain why some grief stays frozen for years, and what usually needs attention before it can begin to move again.
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At a glance
Complicated grief therapy Copenhagen helps you when a loss from months or years ago still dominates your life, or when you have never been able to feel it at all. You and I work together in 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy, in the quiet of my practice in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish.
I do not treat stuck grief as a disorder in you. I help you find what is holding it in place, often guilt, anger, an unfinished relationship, a frightening death or an older loss underneath, and work with that slowly and carefully. It is the part of my grief therapy for losses that have not moved, and it sits within my wider psychotherapy. If the person is still alive and you are losing them, anticipatory grief therapy is the closer fit.
You can request a free discovery call, book a session, read through my client policy or write to me directly.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Complicated grief therapy Copenhagen is for adults whose grief has not eased with time, even though a long while has passed since the death. Some feel the loss as sharply as on the first day. Others feel numb, or have built their life around avoiding it. You want to understand why it has stayed stuck, and to let it find its place.
- It has been 3 years, yet you still cannot open the door to their room or move the shoes by the front door.
- You still replay the last phone call or the hospital night, searching for the moment where you could have changed the ending.
- You never cried at the funeral, and you have felt oddly blank about the death ever since, which frightens you more than tears would.
- Anniversaries knock you flat for weeks, and the people around you no longer understand why it still hits so hard.
- You feel angry with the person who died, or with the doctors or your family, and the anger has not softened at all.
- You avoid the street where they lived, their favourite café and any photograph, and your world has grown smaller as a result.
- The person died abroad, you could not travel in time, and you have never had a proper goodbye or been to the grave.
- You sometimes feel that part of you died with them, and you cannot picture a future that has any colour in it.
This is probably not for you if…
Stuck grief can overlap with other difficulties, and some of them need a different focus. If one of these sounds more like you, the linked page will help you more.
- The death was recent, and you are in the early months of mourning. → grief therapy
- Someone you love is still alive, but you are already losing them to illness or decline. → anticipatory grief therapy
- Vivid flashbacks of how the person died are the main thing, and your body reacts as if it were happening again. → trauma therapy
- Your low mood and hopelessness began long before the loss and reach into every part of your life. → depression therapy
- Guilt is the thread running through many areas of your life, not only this death. → guilt therapy
- The old loss has become one theme among many, and you want to look at your life more widely. → psychotherapy
- You want concentrated work over a few days, perhaps because you live outside Denmark. → back-to-back psychotherapy
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“In my clinical experience, grief that will not move is almost never a sign that someone loved too much or is too weak to let go. It is usually guarding something that has not yet been allowed to exist: a furious word, an unbearable guilt, a goodbye that never happened. People often come to me hoping I will help them stop grieving. I would rather help them grieve what they have not yet grieved. Underneath, I often hear ‘If I let this go, will they disappear from me completely?’ alongside ‘I have kept this to myself so long, I do not want to open it now.’ And sometimes both at once: ‘Help me feel it, but do not make me feel it.’”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
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You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
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A typical situation
Kasper is 46, a secondary school teacher in Nørrebro. His younger brother died in a motorbike accident 7 years ago, after a row between them that was never patched up. Kasper went back to teaching after 3 days and has hardly spoken about it since. He still cannot listen to the band they both loved, he drinks more around the anniversary, and his wife says he goes somewhere far away every November. He tells himself it is in the past.
I would start not with the accident but with the row, and with the brother Kasper still argues with in his head. In our first session, he would probably notice that his grief is tied up with a guilt he has never said aloud. That gives us the knot to begin with.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need complicated grief therapy with me
You have waited for time to heal it, and the loss still has the same hold on you.
There is no fixed point at which grief officially becomes stuck, and you do not need to qualify for help. If you sense that a loss is still shaping your days long after you expected it to soften, that you cannot think about it without falling apart or cannot feel it at all, that is enough. You do not need a diagnosis, a clear account of what happened or a recent crisis before coming to see me. In 22 years of practice, I have sat with many people whose grief had frozen, and I recognise when time alone is not going to do the work.
In sessions, I bring clarity by helping you find what is holding the grief in place. It is usually something specific, and once we can see it, we can work with it. If you are unsure whether your grief has become stuck, the 6 questions below may help you see it more clearly.
Is a loss from years ago still shaping how you live today?
If it is, take that seriously. Stuck grief often shows itself in quiet, practical ways. You may still set the table in the old way, keep their voicemail, or organise your weekends so that you never pass the hospital. You may have stopped planning anything far ahead. Some people feel constantly tired, some keep extremely busy, and some notice their body tense up every year as a certain month approaches.
I would look at what has changed in your life since the death, what you have stopped doing and what you have arranged so as not to feel. That shows me whether the grief is slowly moving on its own or held in one place. If you see yourself here, book a session with me and we can start looking at it together.
Do you want the pain to end but feel that letting go would betray them?
Yes, these two wishes often sit side by side in stuck grief, and each one is protecting something important. One part of you is exhausted and longs to live again. Another part believes that the pain is the last link with the person, and that if it eases, they will be lost for good. So you take one step forward, feel disloyal and step straight back.
I do not treat the part that holds on as the problem. I help you hear what each side needs. Often the loyal part needs a different way of staying connected, through memory, ritual or meaning, before it can allow the pain to soften. In psychosynthesis we give each inner voice a place at the table. The aim is not to choose one and silence the other, but to find a way that honours both.
Do you keep searching for answers about why they died?
Many people with stuck grief do. You may reread medical notes, go over the last weeks again and again, or look things up late at night, hoping that one more piece of information will finally let you rest. Each answer brings relief for a moment, then a new question appears. Sometimes the searching is about the person who died, and sometimes it is about whether anyone else still remembers them as you do.
Your need to understand is legitimate, and I will not dismiss it. Some questions do deserve answers. What I help you with is the restless alarm underneath, which often comes from a sense that something was left unfinished. Together we find what the searching is trying to repair. My article on complicated grief describes this searching, and why it can be so hard to stop.
Do you swing between being flooded by the loss and shutting it out completely?
This swing is common in stuck grief, and it can be very disorienting. For weeks you manage fine and hardly think of them. Then a smell, a song or a date sweeps you into the full force of the loss, and you cannot function for days. Afterwards you shut the door again, firmly, and feel relieved and ashamed at once. You may reach out to someone for comfort and then regret having let them see so much.
I help you slow this cycle so we can see what tips you from one state to the other. Often it is a particular memory, a sense of being judged for still grieving, or fear of how big the feeling might get. I have deep compassion for both the flooding and the shutting down. I also help you build a middle ground, where you can let some of the grief in without it taking over, and step back without slamming the door.
Have you shut the grief away so firmly that you feel almost nothing?
Some people do, and it can look like coping from the outside. You may talk about the death in a flat voice, change the subject quickly or have long ago decided it is better not to think about it. You stay in control, keep your life orderly and may feel puzzled that others expected you to fall apart. Yet you also notice a numbness in other places, in joy, in closeness and in your own body.
My view is that this numbness is protecting you from something that once felt too much. I respect that, and I will not force it open. I help you understand what it is guarding against, so that feeling can return gradually and safely, at a pace you can bear. Sometimes the first sign of movement is not tears but tiredness, irritation or a dream. Closing the door was once necessary. Keeping it locked for ever often costs more than it saves.
Has your identity become tied to the loss?
When grief goes on for a long time, it can become part of how you see yourself. You may be the widow who does not go out, the son who never got over it, or the one in the family who keeps the memory alive. Perhaps you feel you have no right to be happy, or that moving on would mean becoming someone you do not recognise. This does not mean something in you is broken. It means the loss has been carrying a great deal of your identity.
I help you look at which parts of your life are truly yours and which have been organised around the loss. Sometimes we look at what you inherited from your family about grief, or at earlier losses that this one stirred. I will offer you a clear view and challenge you when you shrink, but I will not hand you a new identity. The aim is to discover who you can be, still carrying them, but no longer defined only by their absence.
If you recognise yourself here, request a free call to talk it through, or book a session if you feel ready to begin.
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What complicated grief therapy with me will help you do
Understanding why your grief is stuck is important, but you also need the work to change how you live with the loss from day to day.
Complicated grief therapy with me will help you understand what is holding your grief in place, see the patterns that keep it there and make changes you can feel in daily life. Many people have read a great deal about grief, and some have had therapy before. Knowing that grief can get stuck is useful. But insight without movement leaves you where you started.
In my 22 years of experience, stuck grief needs someone who will actively help you approach what has been avoided. I will not simply listen. I will tell you what I notice, guide you towards what needs attention and challenge the explanations that keep the knot tight, such as “it was all my fault”. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
How will I help you find what is keeping your grief stuck?
I help you separate the loss itself from what has become knotted around it. In stuck grief there is usually something specific: guilt about a decision, anger that was never allowed, a relationship that was complicated or unfinished, the shock of how they died, or an earlier loss that this one woke up. Until that part is reached, the grief tends to circle without settling.
I bring structure to this. I tell you what I think is happening, what deserves attention first and which stories keep you stuck. We work with memory, feeling, the body and dreams, and sometimes with unsent letters or imagined conversations with the person who died. When you are ready, book a session with me and we will begin to find the knot.
How can you notice the moment you start avoiding the loss?
You can learn to spot the early signs that you are turning away from the grief, and that is often where the work begins. It might be a sudden busyness, reaching for your phone, a stiffness in your shoulders, a joke at the wrong moment or a thought such as “not now”. When you can catch the first step of the avoidance, you gain a choice about whether to turn back towards the feeling.
In sessions, I help you slow these moments down and look at them closely: what set off the turning away, what it protected you from and what it cost. Recognising the pattern is only the start. Together we practise staying a little longer with what you usually avoid, in small and manageable steps, until it becomes something you can do between sessions too.
How can you stay steady when old grief floods back?
Staying steady does not mean keeping the grief away. It means being present enough to feel it without being swept off your feet. When a long-held loss starts to move, it can feel overwhelming, and people often fear that if they start crying, they will never stop. Regulation is what lets you open the door a little and close it again by choice.
I help you notice when your body is reaching its limit, and find specific ways of coming back to the ground: through breathing, movement, rest or a small ritual at the end of a hard day. I will also be clear that this needs practice between sessions. Opening stuck grief safely depends on what you do in the days in between, as well as what happens in the room.
How can you speak about the loss after years of silence?
It starts with knowing what you actually feel, which may be very different from what you are expected to feel. After years of keeping quiet, you may not have words for it. You may worry that others will say you should be over it by now, or you may feel that the loss is yours alone and nobody else has the right to touch it. Silence protects you, but it also keeps you alone.
I help you find words that are honest and proportionate, with me first and then with the people in your life. I will challenge you when you shut others out, and also when you expect them to understand without being told. Sometimes we prepare a conversation with a family member about how the death happened, or about something that was never said between you.
How can you make choices about what to keep and what to let go?
These choices become clearer when you separate loyalty, guilt and fear from what you actually want. In stuck grief, there are often decisions that have waited for years: whether to sort their belongings, sell the house, visit the grave, scatter the ashes or take down the photographs. Each one can feel like a test of your love, so it stays undecided.
I help you look at your options, what each one would mean to you and what you might feel afterwards. I will give you my view and point it out when guilt is doing the choosing. I will not decide for you. Often people discover that there is a way of honouring the person that does not require keeping everything exactly as it was.
What does it mean to live with the loss rather than inside it?
Lasting change means more than feeling better on a good day. It means the loss takes up its proper place in your life, so that it no longer decides where you go, who you see and what you hope for. You may need new rituals for anniversaries, a different way of speaking about the person, renewed relationships or permission to enjoy things again.
I help you decide what needs to change and what should stay. Your bond with the person who died is not something to remove. The goal is a bond that lives alongside you rather than holding you still, so that your choices follow what matters to you now rather than what the frozen grief demands.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin complicated grief therapy with me
You do not need to know why your grief is stuck or tell the story in order. I begin with what still hurts most today.
When you begin, I listen carefully, help you name the core of what is still unresolved and give our work a clear direction. I do not expect you to arrive with a diagnosis, a complete account of the death or a theory about why it has not healed. We start from where you are now.
Complicated grief therapy is a focused part of my psychotherapy, structured individual work that goes to the knot at the centre of a long-held loss. If the grief has also put a strain on your relationship and your partner is willing to come, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. A loss carried for a long time needs room to move, and my therapy discounts and bundles make a longer course cheaper and steadier to commit to.
What happens in our first complicated grief session?
In our first session, I ask who you lost, when and how, what has happened in your life since and what still feels unfinished. I also ask what you have already tried and what you hope will be different. You do not need to tell me the whole story at once, and you can decide how close to the hardest parts we go.
By the end, I give you my first understanding of what might be holding the grief in place and suggest a direction. You then decide whether my way of working feels right. If speaking about the loss to a stranger feels like too big a step, a free 30-minute discovery call lets you hear my voice before you decide.
When should you choose individual therapy for complicated grief?
Individual therapy is right when the stuck grief lives mainly in you: in your memories, your guilt, your body, your sense of who you are and the way you have organised your life around the loss. Even if the death affected your whole family, you usually need a private place to approach what you have kept hidden. We can explore all your relationships without anyone else having to attend.
In individual work, I give you continuity, direction and honest challenge. If you want to look at the loss within the wider story of your life, Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my structured individual work as a whole.
When is couples therapy a better choice than complicated grief therapy?
Couples therapy is the better choice when the relationship itself has become part of the problem. Long-held grief can create distance between partners: one of you may feel shut out, the other may feel pressured to be over it. If you lost a child together, or one of you still blames the other, working on it together often helps more than working alone.
In couples work, I help you both see the pattern that has grown between you, take responsibility for your own part and find more secure ways of being close around the loss. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing. Some people start with individual work on their grief and bring their partner in later.
How often should you come for complicated grief therapy?
The right pace depends on how deeply the grief is held, how much else is going on in your life and how much support you need while old feelings move. Stuck grief usually needs steady continuity, because opening it and then leaving long gaps can feel destabilising.
My recommendation is to come every week at first, or every second week if that is all your life allows. I will tell you if the gaps are too long for the work to hold, if closer sessions would help for a while, or if we can safely space things out. Back-to-back sessions over a few days can also work well, especially if you live abroad.
When does a bundle make sense for complicated grief therapy?
A bundle makes sense when you already know this will take several sessions and you want to commit to the work rather than deciding after each appointment whether to return. Stuck grief often wants to retreat just as it starts to move. A planned course takes that exit away and protects the time.
Paying for a run of sessions ahead lowers the cost and gives the grief a reliable container while it begins to loosen. I will help you decide whether a bundle fits the likely scope of your work. The bundle cards lower on this page, and my page on therapy discounts and bundles, show what is on offer.
How will we know when complicated grief therapy has done its job?
The work has done its job when the grief is moving again: when you can remember the person with sadness and love rather than only pain or blankness, when anniversaries are hard but bearable, and when your life has room for more than the loss. You will still miss them. The difference is that the grief no longer holds you still.
I review progress openly, and I do not encourage dependency or therapy without end. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or stop when the knot has loosened. If something later stirs it again, coming back does not mean the earlier work failed. It means another layer is ready.
How it works with me
- Book your first session, or ask for a free 30-minute call if you want to speak first. Tell me briefly who you lost and how long ago, so I can check this is the right place to begin.
- We meet for one hour, with 50 minutes of therapy, at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish, with time to go at whatever pace the loss needs. You can choose a time from 08:00 to 21:00 Copenhagen time on any day of the week, while slots are free.
- We usually meet every week at first, so that the feelings that start to move have a steady place to land. Back-to-back sessions over a few days are possible if you live abroad.
- Every few sessions, we look honestly at whether the grief is moving and what still holds it. We decide together whether to keep the pace, space sessions out, focus on something specific or finish.
- If you expect several sessions, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure complicated grief therapy is the right place to start? Here is how it compares with the options people with long-held grief most often consider.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Complicated grief therapy (this page) | A loss from some time ago still feels raw, frozen or impossible to move. | Weekly 1-hour sessions at first |
| Grief therapy | The death is recent, and you need a place to mourn. | Weekly or every second week |
| Anticipatory grief therapy | Someone you love is still alive, but you are already losing them. | 1-hour sessions that fit around caring |
| Trauma therapy | The way the person died left images and reactions that keep coming back. | A steady course of 1-hour sessions |
Frequently asked questions
What is complicated grief therapy with you?
Complicated grief therapy with me is individual psychotherapy for adults whose grief has not eased with time, either because it is still overwhelming or because it has been shut away. It focuses on finding what is holding the grief in place, such as guilt, anger, an unfinished relationship or the shock of how the death happened, and working with it carefully. We can meet face to face in central Copenhagen or online, and you can grieve in English or Danish, whichever the loss lives in.
I work in depth, with memory, feeling, the body and family history, and I do not treat stuck grief as an illness. It is a branch of my grief therapy, for losses that have not found their place.
How do I know my grief is stuck rather than just slow?
Grief that is slow still moves: the waves become a little less frequent, and you find moments of life again. Grief that is stuck stays the same or grows more rigid. Signs include feeling the loss as sharply years later, organising your life to avoid reminders, persistent guilt or anger, or a numbness that never lifts. Your own sense that it is not moving is reason enough to come.
In 22 years of practice, I have learned to look at how your life has changed since the death, what you avoid and whether there is something you have never said. If a loss still governs your days after a long time, it deserves attention, whatever anyone else thinks the timetable should be.
Can therapy still help if the death was many years ago?
Yes. Grief does not expire, and it is never too late to work with a loss that has stayed unresolved. Many people come 10 or 20 years after a death and find that it can still move. I cannot promise how quickly or how much it will change, but I can offer serious, steady work on what has been held for so long.
In my clinical experience, people are often surprised by how near the feelings still are once they are allowed. I would focus with you on what was never said or felt at the time, because that is usually where the frozen part is waiting.
What if I am afraid that once I start crying I will never stop?
That fear is very common, and it makes complete sense if you have held the grief back for a long time. In practice, the tears do stop. Feelings that are allowed tend to rise and then pass, especially when someone is with you.
I work carefully and at a pace you can bear. We open things a little at a time, and I help you learn how to come back to the ground at the end of each session. You are in charge of how close to the hardest parts we go, and I will tell you honestly if I think we are moving too fast or too slowly.
Why do I either drown in the grief or feel nothing at all?
Because both are ways of surviving something that felt too big. Flooding happens when the grief breaks through all at once. Numbness happens when a part of you closes the door to protect you. Many people move between the two, sometimes in the same week. None of this means you are grieving wrongly.
I help you recognise which state you are in, what tips you from one to the other and what each one costs you. Then we build a middle ground, where you can feel some of the grief without being overwhelmed and step back without shutting down completely.
Will you make me talk about the death in detail?
No. I will ask about the person, the death and your life since, but you decide how much detail you share and when. Some people need to tell the whole story early on. Others need many sessions before they can approach the hardest moment. By the end of the first session, you will have my first understanding and a suggested direction.
There is nothing to get ready, and halting sentences or long silences are welcome here. You can bring a photograph, a letter or nothing at all. Whenever you feel able, book a first session, or begin with a free discovery call.
How long does complicated grief therapy usually take?
My recommendation is to plan for a steady course of sessions over several months, usually weekly at first. Grief that has been held for years rarely shifts in 2 or 3 conversations. A complicated relationship with the person, a sudden or violent death, or several losses close together usually need longer.
Based on 22 years of practice, I would rather we agree on a clear first stretch and review it honestly than leave it open-ended. We look at what has moved and what has not, and you decide with me whether to continue, space the sessions out or stop.
Should I come in person, online or for back-to-back sessions?
Come in person if you can. Many people find that the quiet of the room helps when old feelings start to move. Online sessions work well too and last just as long, especially if you live outside Copenhagen. If the person died abroad and you live far away, a block of back-to-back sessions over a few days can give the work real depth.
All of these formats are part of my psychotherapy practice, in English or Danish, and back-to-back psychotherapy describes the concentrated option. If you are unsure, we can choose together on a free call.
What does complicated grief therapy with you cost?
Complicated grief therapy is individual psychotherapy, and each appointment is one hour with 50 minutes of therapy. The current price is on my prices page. Payment is by invoice and bank transfer.
If you expect a longer course, a bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you the safety of a planned structure. You can compare the bundle sizes on therapy discounts and bundles. Paying the invoice on the same day from a Danish bank account takes off another 3 per cent.
How do I start complicated grief therapy with you?
When you feel able, book your first session, or start more gently with a free 30-minute discovery call. A short note about who you lost and when is enough.
If no time suits you, or an anniversary is close and you are struggling, contact me directly. Because anniversaries and sudden waves of grief cannot wait, I keep time free and can usually see you within days. Book the session, and we will begin where the grief is waiting.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
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