Anticipatory grief therapy Copenhagen
Room for the grief you feel while they are still here
I help you stay close to them and look after yourself as well
- Last updated October 23, 2026
What I want you to know about grieving before a loss
In this short video, I explain why it is natural to mourn someone who is still alive, and how you can stay present for them without losing yourself.
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At a glance
Anticipatory grief therapy Copenhagen helps you with the mourning that begins before a death, when someone you love is seriously ill, has dementia or is slowly fading. You come on your own, for 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of therapy, in English or Danish, at my practice in central Copenhagen or online if the hospital or the care rota keeps you close to home.
I help you make sense of feelings that can seem wrong to have: sadness while they are still with you, tiredness, irritation, even moments of wishing it were over. You get a place to put these down, so that the time you have left with them can be as honest and close as possible. This page is a branch of grief therapy within my psychotherapy. If the loss has already happened and the grief has stayed stuck, complicated grief therapy is the closer fit.
You can request a free discovery call, book a session, look through my client policy or get in touch with me directly.
Is this the right page for you?
This is for you if…
Anticipatory grief therapy Copenhagen is for adults who are losing someone they love while that person is still alive. It may be a parent with dementia, a partner with a terminal diagnosis, a sibling in long treatment or a friend in a hospice. You want a place to grieve what is already slipping away, and to find the strength to be there until the end.
- You visit your mother in the care home, and she no longer knows your name, yet you still bring her favourite biscuits every Sunday.
- You lie awake planning the funeral in your head, then feel ashamed for thinking about it while he is still breathing.
- You have become the one who books the scans, talks to the doctors and sorts the medication, and nobody asks how you are.
- You catch yourself snapping at the person who is ill, and afterwards the guilt sits with you for the rest of the day.
- Your partner’s diagnosis came months ago, and you are already mourning the retirement, the travels and the grandchildren you had planned together.
- You live in Copenhagen while your father declines in another country, and every phone call from home makes your stomach drop.
- Part of you longs for the waiting to end, and you are frightened of what that wish says about you.
- You want to say the important things before it is too late, but every time you try, the words will not come.
This is probably not for you if…
Losing someone slowly is one kind of grief, and some situations need a different starting point. If one of these fits you better, the linked page will serve you better.
- The person has already died, and you are finding the grief heavy, lonely or confusing. → grief therapy
- A loss happened long ago, and the grief still feels frozen, raw or impossible to move. → complicated grief therapy
- Years of caring have left you completely drained, and exhaustion is now the main problem. → burnout therapy
- A diagnosis has just come and you cannot function this week. → acute psychotherapy
- The illness has strained your relationship, and you and your partner want to work on it together. → couples therapy
- The hardest part is being far from family, and life abroad is weighing on you in many ways. → expat psychotherapy
- The coming loss is one of several things you want help with, and you want to look at your life as a whole. → psychotherapy
- You are in immediate danger, or you are thinking about ending your life. Please call 112, or 1813 for urgent mental health help in the Capital Region.
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Client reviews
The reviews shown here are shared by clients who have worked with me in therapy and chosen to reflect on their experience. They are collected via Google and displayed through an independent verification service, offering an open and transparent picture of how my work is experienced.
Mark’s view
“In my experience, the people who are losing someone slowly almost never give themselves permission to grieve yet. They believe grief has to wait for the death, and until then their only job is to cope. I think that belief costs them dearly. The mourning has already started, whether you allow it or not, and pushing it away tends to make you more distant from the person you love, not closer. Underneath, I often hear two quiet questions. One asks, ‘When they are gone, who will still be there for me?’ The other says, ‘Let me handle this myself, I cannot fall apart now.’ When you let the grief in early, you usually find you can be with them more fully, not less.”
Mark Colclough, MA, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
Meet Mark, psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist
I am Mark Colclough, MA, a psychotherapist and EFT couples therapist specialising in expats and international couples. I work in English and Danish, from my practice in central Copenhagen and online.
Practising since 2004, I bring a bicultural perspective to work with individuals and couples across languages and cultural contexts. My work integrates depth-oriented psychotherapy with approaches such as integral psychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, Jungian psychoanalysis, and object relations theory. I also have specialist training in attachment theory, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder.
For support with life between cultures, explore expat psychotherapy or expat couples therapy. My practice is supported by ongoing training and supervision. To read more about my background, training, and approach, visit About me.
The importance of supervision
Good therapy begins with good supervision
I regularly meet with experienced senior psychotherapists in Denmark and abroad to reflect on my work, challenge my thinking, and continue developing my skills. This ongoing process supports the quality of my individual and couples therapy, helping me offer thoughtful, ethical, and effective care.
My focus is simple: excellence, integrity, and impact.
Connect with me:
If you want me to call you ASAP, or if you want to book me, use the buttons below.
You are welcome to get in touch. We can clarify what’s the right therapy for you.
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A typical situation
Elena is 52, a Spanish architect who has lived in Valby for 20 years. Her husband Henrik was diagnosed with motor neurone disease 18 months ago. She has rebuilt their bathroom for his wheelchair, learned to manage his feeding tube and still works 3 days a week. Their adult son lives in Aarhus and calls on Sundays. Elena cries only in the car. She tells her sister in Madrid that she is fine, and feels a flash of envy when friends talk about holidays.
I would begin with Elena herself, not with Henrik’s illness: what she has already lost, what she is afraid of and what she has not been able to say aloud. In our first session, she would probably notice how completely she has disappeared behind her role as carer. That is where our work would start.
I have presented this clinical example as a compound of 22 years of clinical practice.
This is when you need anticipatory grief therapy with me
You have held everything together for them, and the sorrow keeps building with nowhere to go.
There is no right moment to begin anticipatory grief therapy, and there is no need to wait until things get worse. If you sense that the coming loss is weighing more than you can manage alone, that your days have become a blur of appointments and worry, or that the people around you do not understand what you are living through, that is reason enough. You do not need a diagnosis of your own, a clear explanation or a breakdown before you come to see me. In 22 years of practice, I have sat with many people who were caring for someone dying, and I can tell when this kind of grief needs a dedicated place.
My professional view is that this grief deserves attention now, not after the funeral. I will help you see what you are already mourning, what is draining you and what you need in order to keep going. The 6 questions below may help you notice how much you are already carrying.
Has caring for them left you with nothing for yourself?
If it has, that matters. Looking after someone who is seriously ill tends to swallow everything else. Your diary fills with hospital visits, your phone is always on, and every evening ends with forms, medication lists or a call to a sibling. You may stop seeing friends, stop exercising and stop noticing your own body until it complains with headaches, back pain or broken sleep.
I would look at what your week actually contains, what you have quietly given up and how long you can go on at this pace. Some periods of caring are short and intense. Others last years, and then the question is how to sustain yourself, not just survive the next fortnight. If this sounds familiar, book a session with me and we can look at it together.
Do you want more time with them and also want the waiting to end?
Yes, both wishes can sit side by side, and both come from love. One part of you holds on to every good afternoon, every flicker of recognition and every conversation you still can have. Another part is worn out by watching them suffer and by living in suspense, and sometimes wishes it could all be over. Many people feel shocked by that second wish and keep it secret, even from themselves.
I do not see either wish as wrong. One is protecting your closeness, the other is protecting you, and often them, from more pain. In my work, we give each inner voice a hearing as part of you. When you can say both out loud in a safe room, the guilt tends to loosen, and you become freer to choose how you spend the time that is left.
Do you check on them constantly because you are afraid of missing the end?
Many people do. Your phone becomes a source of dread and hope at once. You keep it by the bed, listen out at night and feel your heart race when the hospital number appears. You may struggle to leave the house, cut short a dinner with friends or cancel a trip, in case something happens while you are away. Even a short silence from the care home can set off an alarm that takes hours to settle.
Your wish to be there and to be told is completely understandable, and I will not shame it. What I help you with is the alarm itself, so that it does not run every hour of your day. We look at what you would actually need if the worst happened while you were not there, and how to arrange support. My article on anticipatory grief describes this watchfulness in more detail.
Do you feel pulled towards them and then need to get away?
That push and pull is very common when someone is dying slowly. You drive across the city to sit with them, then after 10 minutes feel desperate to leave. You long for an honest conversation and then fill the silence with small talk. You want to hold their hand and also feel a strong urge to protect yourself. The swing between the two can leave you confused about what you really feel for them.
I help you slow this down so we can see what tips you from closeness into flight. It may be a particular look, a reminder of what is coming or an old family pattern that the illness has woken up. I have great compassion for both movements. I will also ask you to notice when your leaving hurts them or you, and help you find a way of being close that you can actually sustain.
Do you keep a distance from them because closeness hurts too much?
Some people do, and it is more common than anyone admits. You visit less often than you meant to, talk to the nurses about practicalities rather than sitting with the person, or stay busy with arrangements so you do not have to feel. When they try to talk about dying, you change the subject. Being efficient gives you some control in a situation where you have very little.
My view is that this distance is protecting you from something, and I want to understand what. Often it is the fear of being overwhelmed, or of seeing them in a way you cannot bear. I help you stay a little longer in the room, at a pace you can manage, and to say honestly when you need to step out. Taking breaks is healthy. Missing the chance to be close, and regretting it later, is what I would like to help you avoid.
Have you lost sight of who you are outside the role of carer?
Months or years of caring can quietly reshape your identity. You become the daughter who manages everything, the spouse who knows every medication, the one the family calls first. Your own wishes, interests and friendships fade into the background. You may feel ashamed to want something for yourself, or unsure what you would even want. That does not mean you have lost yourself for good. It means you have given a great deal.
I help you look at which parts of the carer role you have chosen and which have been handed to you, and what you need to protect for yourself. Sometimes this means looking at your family’s expectations, or at what your culture says a good son or daughter must do. I will offer you a clear perspective and challenge you when you disappear, but I will not decide for you. The aim is to know who you are, both now and after the loss.
If this is where you are, request a free call to talk it over, or book a session if you already know you want support through this time.
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What anticipatory grief therapy with me will help you do
Understanding what you are feeling matters, but you also need help to change how you get through the visits, the waiting and the decisions.
Anticipatory grief therapy with me will help you understand the mourning that has already begun, see what is making it heavier and make changes that ease the weeks and months ahead. Knowing that this kind of grief exists can be a relief in itself. But insight alone does not give you more energy for the next hospital visit or help you say what you want to say.
In 22 years of practice, I have found that people in this situation need someone active on their side. I will not simply listen. I will guide you, tell you what I see and question the beliefs that keep you running on empty, such as “I must be strong for everyone”. These 6 questions describe what we work towards.
How will I help you see what you are really grieving?
I help you name the losses that are already happening, which are often many. There is the person as they used to be, the shared future you had planned, the role they played in your life and sometimes the relationship you hoped to repair. Around these sit other weights: exhaustion, money worries, conflict with siblings about care, and fear of the death itself. Each one deserves its own attention.
I bring structure to this. I tell you what I think is happening, what needs your attention first and which stories keep you stuck, such as “I have no right to feel this until they are gone”. We work with feelings, memories, the body and dreams, because this grief often shows itself in all of them. When you are ready, book a session with me and we will begin to untangle it.
How can you notice the moment before you go on autopilot?
You can learn to spot the early signs that you are switching into pure coping mode. It might be a tightening in your chest as you walk into the ward, a flatness in your voice, or an urge to tidy the room instead of sitting down. When you can see that shift coming, you gain a moment to choose whether to stay with the feeling or step back on purpose.
In sessions, I help you slow these moments down and look at them in detail: what set off the switch, what it was protecting you from and what it cost. Seeing the pattern is not the end of the work. Together we practise a different response, so that on your next visit you can stay present a little longer if you want to.
How can you stay steady through bad news and long waiting?
Steadiness here does not mean staying calm or hiding your fear from the person who is ill. It means being present enough to take in what is happening, feel it and still decide how to respond. A new scan result or a sudden decline will shake you. Regulation means you can come back to yourself afterwards, rather than staying in alarm for days.
I help you recognise when your body is on high alert, often long before you notice it in your thoughts, and find specific ways to bring it down. That might be how you end a hospital visit, what you do on the drive home or how you protect a few hours of sleep. I will also be clear that this takes practice between our sessions. Small daily habits will carry you further than one good talk a week.
How can you tell family and doctors what you need without fighting or giving in?
It begins with knowing what you need and what is yours to carry. In anticipatory grief, that becomes very blurred. You may find yourself doing everything because nobody else steps in, then resenting your siblings in silence. You may agree to treatment plans you have doubts about, or avoid asking the doctor the question you most want answered.
I help you find words that are clear and fair, such as “I need you to take Thursdays” or “please tell me honestly how long we might have”. I will challenge you when you swallow your needs, and also when you expect others to read your mind. We can rehearse a difficult conversation with a sibling, a consultant or the person who is ill, so that you can have it while there is still time.
How can you make care decisions without drowning in guilt?
Decisions become clearer when you separate guilt, duty and family pressure from what you actually know and believe is right. There may be choices about a care home, further treatment, moving them in with you, or whether to stay in Denmark or move closer to them. Guilt tends to say that every option is wrong, so you either delay or decide in a rush to make the feeling stop.
I help you look honestly at your options, what each would ask of you and what you could live with afterwards. I will give you my professional view and name it when guilt or fear is steering. I will not make the decision for you. Often the relief comes from seeing that there is no perfect choice, only one you can stand behind.
What does it mean to live well alongside a loss that is coming?
Lasting change in this situation means more than getting through. It means shaping these months so they contain some life of your own as well as care. You may need regular breaks, help from others, honest conversations, small rituals with the person who is ill, or permission to laugh and make plans. Some people find this time becomes one of the most meaningful in their lives.
I help you decide what needs to change and what to protect. Your devotion to the person you are losing is not a problem to fix. The goal is to help you carry it with more clarity, so that later you can look back and feel you were there in the way that mattered to you. I also help you prepare for the grief that will come after.
You can also send me an email
What happens when you begin anticipatory grief therapy with me
You do not need to have sorted out your feelings first. I begin with what weighs on you most this week.
When you begin, I listen closely, help you name what is hardest right now and give our work a clear direction. You do not need to arrive with a diagnosis, a full medical history of the person who is ill or a neat account of your feelings. We start with where you are today.
Anticipatory grief therapy is a focused part of my psychotherapy, structured individual work that keeps your experience at the centre while someone you love is ill. If the illness is your partner’s and the two of you want to face it together, couples therapy offers long-term relational development and healing. When you know you want support across the coming months, my therapy discounts and bundles give you real savings and the security of a plan we set up together.
What happens in our first anticipatory grief session?
In our first session, I ask who you are losing, what is happening with their illness, what your days look like and what support you have. I also ask what you most fear and what you most want from the time that is left. You do not need to tell me the whole story before we can begin.
By the end of the session, I give you my first understanding of what you are carrying and suggest a direction for our work. You then decide whether my approach feels helpful. If you would like to talk it through first, request a free 30-minute discovery call.
When should you choose individual therapy for anticipatory grief?
Individual therapy is right when the weight sits mainly with you: your fear, your exhaustion, your guilt, your history with the person and the way you are coping. Even when the whole family is affected, you usually need one place where you do not have to be strong for anyone. We can talk about all your relationships without anyone else being present.
In individual work, I give you continuity and direction through what can be a long and uncertain period. If you would like to look at the illness alongside other parts of your life, Psychotherapy Copenhagen describes my structured individual work more broadly.
When is couples therapy a better choice than anticipatory grief therapy?
Couples therapy is the better choice when the relationship itself needs attention during the illness. If your partner is the one who is ill, you may be struggling to talk about death, intimacy, money or what each of you wants in the time left. If one of you wants to talk about the future while the other refuses, or resentment has crept in between carer and patient, working together can help.
In couples work, I help you both see what is happening between you, take responsibility for your own part and find more secure ways of being close while facing the loss. Couples therapy Copenhagen is long-term relational development and healing, and some people combine a few joint sessions with individual support of their own.
How often should you come for anticipatory grief therapy?
The right rhythm depends on how fast the illness is moving, how much caring you are doing and how much space you have for yourself. When things are changing quickly, regular sessions give you a fixed point in an unpredictable week. During calmer periods, sessions can be spread further apart.
My recommendation is to start with a session every week or every second week, and to adjust as the situation changes. I will tell you if the gaps are too long to hold you, if you need closer support for a while, or if we can safely space things out. Online sessions are often useful when you are travelling to visit the person or cannot leave them for long.
When does a bundle make sense for anticipatory grief therapy?
A bundle makes sense when you already know you want support over the coming months and do not want to decide each time whether you can spare the hour. When you are caring for someone, your own needs are the first thing to slip. A planned course of sessions keeps that time protected.
Through a long illness, a bundle lowers the cost of each session and keeps a regular hour for you while everything else is uncertain. I will help you judge whether a bundle suits your situation and how long the support is likely to be needed. The choices are laid out on therapy discounts and bundles, and in the cards further down this page.
How will we know when anticipatory grief therapy has done its job?
This work has done its job when you feel less alone with what is happening, can be present with the person in the way you want and have found a way to look after yourself too. For some people, that point comes before the death. For others, the work continues through the death and into the grief that follows.
We keep talking openly about what the sessions are giving you, and I will not hold you in therapy longer than it helps you through this time. Sessions can become less frequent, pause or stop when they have served their purpose. If you return after the death, that is not a sign the earlier work failed. It is simply the next part of the journey, and grief therapy can carry on from there.
How it works with me
- Begin with a free 30-minute call, or book your first session straight away. Tell me briefly who is ill and how things stand, so I can check this is the right place to start.
- Each session is a 1-hour appointment with 50 minutes of therapy, just the two of us, at my practice at Møntergade 4 in central Copenhagen or online, in English or Danish. Appointments run from 08:00 to 21:00 Copenhagen time, 7 days a week, subject to availability, which helps when caring makes your days unpredictable.
- We usually meet every week or every second week, and we adjust the rhythm when the illness changes or when you need to travel to be with them.
- Every few sessions, we look at what is helping and what is not, and plan for what may be coming. When the death happens, we decide together whether to continue into grief work, pause or finish.
- If you expect to need support for a while, a therapy bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you a clear plan from the start. You can see the bundles just below.
Save with a prepaid session bundle
How the bundle works
- Current bundle savings are shown on the Pricing page.
- Your bundle is valid for 180 days from the date of purchase.
- The bundle can only be used for the type of session stated on your invoice.
- If you request a refund, sessions already used are recalculated at the standard single-session price.
- The administration fee applied to a bundle refund is shown on the Pricing page.
- VAT follows the type of therapy included in the bundle: VAT-exempt sessions remain VAT exempt, while VAT-liable sessions include applicable VAT.
Compare with nearby options
Not sure anticipatory grief therapy is the right place to begin? Here is how it compares with the options people facing a slow loss most often weigh up.
| Option | Choose it when | Pace |
|---|---|---|
| Anticipatory grief therapy (this page) | Someone you love is still alive, and you are already grieving them. | Weekly or every second week, adjusted to the illness |
| Grief therapy | The person has died, and you need a place to mourn. | Regular 1-hour sessions at first |
| Complicated grief therapy | A past loss has stayed stuck, frozen or overwhelming for a long time. | A steady course of 1-hour sessions |
| Burnout therapy | Long-term caring has left you depleted, and exhaustion is now the main issue. | A focused course of 1-hour sessions |
Frequently asked questions
What is anticipatory grief therapy with you?
Anticipatory grief therapy with me is individual psychotherapy for adults who are mourning someone who is still alive, usually because of a terminal illness, dementia or a long decline. It gives you a place to feel the losses already happening, cope with the strain of caring and prepare for what is coming. You can see me in English or Danish, in my room in central Copenhagen or online from wherever you are caring for them.
I work in depth with your feelings, your relationship with the person, your family and your body. It is a branch of my grief therapy, for the time before a death rather than after it.
When should I come to you while they are still alive?
Come when the coming loss feels too heavy to carry alone, when caring is crowding out the rest of your life, or when you notice you are avoiding the person because it hurts too much. You do not need to wait for a crisis or for the final weeks. Your own sense that you need support is enough.
In 22 years of practice, I have learned to ask how long the illness may last, how much of the care falls on you and whether you have anyone to talk to honestly. Coming early often means you can use the remaining time better, rather than looking back with regret.
Can therapy help when I cannot change what is happening?
Yes. Therapy cannot stop the illness, and I will never pretend it can. What it can change is how alone you are, how much guilt and fear you carry on top of the sadness, and how you use the time you still have. I cannot promise how you will feel, but I can promise steady, honest company along the way.
In my clinical experience, people facing a slow loss are often most helped by being allowed to say the unsayable: that they are angry, that they are tired, that part of them wants it over. I would focus with you on making room for these feelings, so they do not come between you and the person you love.
Is it wrong that I sometimes wish it were over?
No. It is one of the most common feelings in anticipatory grief, and one of the least spoken about. It usually comes from exhaustion, from wanting their suffering to end, or from the strain of living in suspense. It does not mean you love them less.
In our work, I help you look at that wish without judgement and understand what it is really asking for, which is often rest, relief or permission to grieve. Once it can be spoken, the guilt usually eases, and you can be with the person more freely.
Why do I want to be close to them and then need to escape?
Because closeness to someone who is dying brings love and pain at the same time. Part of you wants to be near and treasure every moment. Another part needs to protect itself from the sorrow and the fear. Some people tend to cling, some tend to retreat, and many swing between the two. None of this is a flaw in you.
I help you notice which way you tend to move, what each movement is protecting and what it costs you and the person who is ill. Then we work on a way of being close that you can sustain, with breaks that do not feel like abandoning them.
What will we talk about in the first session?
We start with the situation as it is now: who is ill, what is happening medically, what you are doing for them and how you are holding up. I also ask a little about your relationship with them and your family. By the end, you will have my first understanding and a suggested way forward.
You do not need to prepare anything. You may arrive straight from the hospital, tired or tearful, and that is fine. When you are ready, book your first session or start with a free discovery call.
How long will I need anticipatory grief therapy?
It usually follows the course of the illness. My recommendation is to plan for regular sessions over the coming months, with the rhythm adjusted as things change. A short illness may need a few close sessions. A long decline, such as dementia, can mean support spread out over a year or more.
Based on 22 years of practice, I suggest we agree on a first stretch and review it honestly. We look at what is helping and what has changed, and you decide with me whether to continue, space the sessions out or pause.
Can I have sessions online when I am travelling to be with them?
Yes. Online sessions work well and last just as long. They are especially useful if the person lives in another country, if you are staying with them for a period, or if you cannot be away from home for long. When you can come in person, the quiet of my practice can be a welcome break from caring.
In person or on screen, the work is the same psychotherapy, in English or Danish. If you are not sure which suits you, we can decide on a free call before you book.
What does anticipatory grief therapy with you cost?
Sessions are 1-hour appointments with 50 minutes of individual psychotherapy. The current price is on my prices page. You pay by invoice and bank transfer.
If you expect to come regularly over several months, a bundle saves you 10 per cent and gives you the security of a planned course. The options are on therapy discounts and bundles. Paying by same-day transfer from a Danish bank account saves you a further 3 per cent.
How do I book anticipatory grief therapy with you?
Book your first session directly, or request a free 30-minute discovery call if you would rather talk first. A few lines about who is ill is all I need.
If the illness has taken a sudden turn and none of the times work for you, contact me directly. I keep some room for acute cases, usually a time within days. Book now, and we will begin with where you are.
You can also send me an email
My approach and values
My mission
My mission is to help individuals, couples and families rediscover connection, communicate with understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship that can thrive through any challenge.
My vision
My vision is to create a world where every person in my therapy room feels supported, connected, and empowered to grow, and to step one step closer to your Self.
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